Lisa Armstrong
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Drop a dress size by wearing a particular brand of jeans? OK, it borders on a mixed metaphor and to rub salt in, it’s hokum. How to make a product that helps women go down a dress size? Er, get your factory to mark all the size 12s size 10.
But bear with me, because I’ve tried this particular brand, and while the dropping a dress size is a shameless, although admittedly eye-catching sales ruse there are some dramatic benefits to the jeans themselves.
Firstly, they make your legs look longer. Really. How? I probably wouldn’t be sticking my neck out if I suggested that it has something to do with the cut. Secondly, they make them look slimmer. And this I can explain, because I have experienced at first hand the suction power of the stretch denim they use, which incorporates a patented “criss-cross panel”. Suffice to say they’re so stretchy you could use them as a hammock, but don’t, because that same suction that lifts your bottom and makes it considerably perter than it has for some time.
Thirdly, they come in some very dark shades of denim, which is flattering, smart, versatile and fashionable. Fourthly, despite the compression which exerts a remarkably effective corseting effect (no more rolling bands of flesh), they are far and away the most comfortable jeans I have ever worn. Anything that allows women to enjoy the comfort of leggings without actually having to wear them is a genius product in my book.
Fifthly, they are high cut. Scary – but not as scary as flashing that overexposed whale tale and muffin top again. Plus they don’t make you look like a pear, as some high waists do; presumably that’s down to expert cutting too.
Sixthly, they are currently stocked in 11 styles, from drainpipes to flares and half a dozen different finishes, from pale denim to blue black, gunmetal to black.
The only mild criticisms I’ve come up with are the slightly too orange stitching and the price, although £85-£145 for something this comfortable, durable and flattering isn’t unreasonable.
Sounds too good to be true? If you’ve been permanently damaged by the past decade’s emphasis on Jeans With Very Pretentious Names (True Religion, 7 for All Mankind), then yes. In which case, brace yourselves, because the name of above wonder jeans is the Tummy Tuck. Furthermore, they come from a company called Not Your Daughter’s Jeans (NYDJ), which launched them in 2004 in the US where they’re now stocked in 700 stores.
Much as I admire the American knack of not brushing a potential obstacle under the carpet (in this case the fact that not only your daughter, but anyone with any ambitions of still being vaguely cool, would be aghast at the idea of wearing jeans called Tummy Tucks) but instead confronting it head-on and turning it into a shared joke, I’m not sure about this particular case. Still, at least the branding is discreet, confined to a detachable tag and lettering inside the waistband. All of which poses some kind of soul searcher: would you wear a pair of jeans, however wonderful, called Tummy Tuck? It depends, I guess, on how big a fashion victim you really are.
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