Few people outside the Westminster village will have either seen or heard of Jacqui Smith before last week. Then, only hours into her new job as Home Secretary, came those horrifying terrorist attacks. Under enormous pressure, Smith nevertheless managed to remain calm and statesmanlike. On Monday she addressed the House of Commons: it was a solid performance from a serious politician. Which is why, presumably, the blogosphere is alive with talk . . . of her cleavage.

Yes, that’s right: her cleavage. This is a woman who is trying to cope with one of the biggest terrorist threats that Britain has ever faced – and all people care about is her bosom. There’s 40 years of feminism for you.

Here are some examples: “Is staring at Jacqui Smith’s cleavage while she gives a terror update to the House of Commons a little distracting?”; and: “Could someone tell Jacqui Smith that when she is giving a stern speech about terrorist dangers . . . it might not be such a good idea to show so much cleavage . . . it was inappropriate and unprofessional. What happened to Labour’s image consultants?”; and finally: “Honestly, it looked like she had someone’s ass in her shirt.”

OK, so that last one is actually quite funny – if you happen to be an eight-year-old schoolboy. And it’s true, Smith’s top was perhaps a little underqualified for the job. But really, what’s that got to do with the price of eggs?

I’m certain that her wardrobe was the last thing on her mind when she dressed that morning – and rightly so. Had it been me, I would probably have delivered the speech in my pyjamas. As to the jibe about Labour spin, I thought everyone hated that. Surely fielding a Home Secretary who is clearly more interested in her brief than her underwear should be worthy of praise.

It really is pathetic that female politicians in this day and age should be judged so much by their appearance. What you want in a politician is intelligence and experience, and I’m afraid those things don’t tend to come in pert, 22-year-old packages. Smith really can’t help the size of her décolletage, although she could perhaps have a quiet word with the Commons technicians to see whether that camera could be repositioned slightly.

We had a similar thing recently with handbags – that so-called debate between Harriet Harman and Hazel Blears about how much was too much to spend on one. From Theresa May’s shoes to Ann Widdecombe’s hair, it’s always the same: the slightest whiff of a “female” angle and all interest in their profession goes out of the window.

It’s true that male politicians have to put up with some vapid personal jibes, from Gordon Brown’s jaw to David Cameron’s hair-parting. But to discuss the personal appearance of a male Home Secretary under pressure at a time of national crisis would be unthinkable. Put it this way: if the stock market crashed, no one would be debating the tightness of Alistair Darling’s trousers.

Besides, it’s rude. It’s bad enough judging one’s own appearance in the mirror in the morning, let alone having to deal with the cruel jibes of every Tom, Dick or Harry with access to a computer, many of whom may not be oil paintings themselves. No wonder there are so few female politicians. In fact, it’s amazing there are any at all.

What to wear in the Commons

- Black is too drab and won’t get you noticed, so choose warm colours that flatter the complexion. Petrol blue or deep claret will brighten the skin.

- Instead of clashing bold colours, think tonally. A warm raspberry can be the perfect accompaniment to red, and sky blue complements navy.

- Well-endowed women should look for structure. Invest in a tailored suit to provide enough support, but don’t go down the boxy 1980s route; instead look for something slim that creates a flattering silhouette. A crisp shirt adds gravitas.

- Kitten heels may feel comfortable but are too informal for an MP. Take a leaf out of Condoleezza Rice’s style notes and buy a pair of stilettos.

- If the temperature lifts, invest in a shift dress. Accessorise with a silk scarf and bold necklace.

- A well-maintained mane and make-up never fail to give a lift to your look – witness the wonders wrought by Ann Widdecombe’s makeover. Stop short of hair extensions and spray tans, though.

Alice Olins

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