NO says Oscar Humphries

S&M has never much appealed. Sure, I’ve tied a couple of girls up, but who hasn’t? To date, the only real experience I’ve had of sadomasochism is five years at boarding school and a string of relationships with women who humiliated me.

Sara is not one of these, so the underwear I usually buy for her is more soft than hard, things that I think are pretty, and we have an everything-must-have-a-crotch rule. The last thing I got her, for example, was a Lolitaish set from Chantal Thomass.

The Cage is a departure for us. First of all, I love the name: “Cage” suggests animal lust and a playful brutality – nothing like the tight, rubber accessories you usually associate with the darker bedroom arts. You’d have to be careful who you give it to: whip out the Cage, and their mind will race. (Cage corset today, giant man-baby tomorrow.)

I present the package to Sara. I’m worried I’ve slightly overhyped it. It is opened in polite silence, followed by an awkward moment as she rummages around in the tissue paper. “Put it on,” I hiss, trying to sound like the control-freak boss in Secretary. But getting into the Cage is no short-lived matter. I left the room and made some toast while she struggled with hooks and ribbons.

Ten minutes later, and despite her flu, Sara looks great. The corset caricatures the female form, and although it’s the right size, looks strangely big for her. Overall, however, it is sexy, exposing the entire torso and the odd nipple, more costume than underwear. It looks great from all angles but best from a distance, which suggests that this is purely for dressing up, not getting down – more burlesque than hands-on S&M, or hands-on anything.

First impressions aside, I was disconcertingly disappointed. I don’t want to get romantic with a museum piece, something I don't feel like touching. I also thought the corset was a bit gay. It could easily have been designed by Cher’s costumier, Bob Mackie. Rather than sexing things up, it brought comedy to the bedroom. I didn’t feel dominated by Sara, nor did it make me want to dominate her. I concluded it was a piece that a woman should buy for herself, and perhaps wear it to parties over a dress? It celebrates sensuality and extravagance and the idea of sexiness, but it has little to do with sex itself. Our fancy-dress session ended in laughter, not lust.

Maybe I’m just too hard-core for it. Maybe boarding school and the crazy exes mean that a silky corset just won’t go the distance, and I need to go to Coco de Mer for handcuffs and Agent Provocateur for a diamanté-studded whip instead. I hope not. Sara hopes not.

YES says his girlfriend, Sara Philippidis

When Oscar said he was bringing home the Cage corset, I was overcome with excitement. I adore La Perla: sexy yet demure, sensual but not slutty; I lust after the delicate lace and soft, silky fabrics. I’d also had the flu, and had spent the week in bed wearing American Apparel women’s Y-fronts and thermal underwear instead of matching lacy lingerie – more Ugly Betty than sex bomb.

So I had envisioned myself dolled up and oozing sex appeal like Dita Von Teese. I longed for a cinched-in waist and curves in all the right places. I hoped that this corset would transform my flat chest into two voluptuous mountains or, at the very least, give the illusion of cleavage.

I’d recently had a conversation with a beautiful woman who’d undergone “corset training” and shrunk her waistline to a minimal 21in, so I thought maybe this La Perla Cage bustier would change my life. I would never wear my big Bridget cottons again.

The Cage is quite unlike anything Oscar has given me before – he’s more of a french knickers kind of a guy. So first thoughts were that it was a little too racy. Was I really going to walk around with so much of my pre-Christmas overeating on display?

The delicate bows on the front did nothing to make me feel less self-conscious or chaste. It was everything the name suggests. I felt a bit like a frightened animal – not my ideal incarnation for the bedroom.

Ignoring my schoolgirl apprehension, I put it on – nearly pulling a ligament in the process. The bustier is undeniably for courageous women; you can’t be timid. You also need to be prepared and come with it on.

One of the reasons why I liked it was because it’s great for womanly figures, rather than size-zero girls. The boned ribbon accentuated my curves; it didn’t hug the hips but rather canopied over them like an umbrella.

It also wasn’t as uncomfortable as I’d feared, and as the bands of ribbon stretched and moved to accommodate my body, the silk felt soft and pleasant against my skin. It is a very sexy piece, in a flesh-baring, obvious way, and perfect for an exhibitionist, as it confers a vampish, powerful air. It’s certainly a corset for the woman who takes control in the bedroom.

It was great to wear for a very brief period, but I must say, I was extremely grateful to have it off, as it were.

And when we e-mailed it out...

— ‘You’d have to have THE most perfect body ever so it wouldn’t squish out everywhere. I’d give it a go.’ Fiona, 36

— ‘The slats on the boobs remind me of office blinds. I suppose you could have some fun pretending your bloke was a dirty old man peering in.’ Lara, 34

— ‘It conjures up images of a grotty East End brothel in Victorian times – absolutely nothing sexy about it whatsoever.’ Edward, 38

— ‘It seems a bit too pretentious and over the top.’ Harry, 24

— ‘Can find sexier for £300.’ Miles, 42

— ‘Good colour but ridiculously complicated – simplicity is far more sexy. Hold-ups, knickers, bra (not padded – sorry, ladies – this isn’t a war zone).’ Nic, 33

— ‘It’s circus-freak sexy. Ideally, I’d wear it under a cloak, so I could throw it off and order my boyfriend to unleash the beast.’ Antonia, 30

— ‘It’s amazing. I love it. I imagine meeting an unknown beauty in the Piazza San Marco in Venice and escorting her to my palazzo. I’d have her wear the Cage bustier and let the games commence.’ Claudio, 45

— ‘It’s a bit obvious for me – something I imagine Nancy dell’Olio would wear for Sven. I like La Perla, but I’m not into quasi S&M and being trussed up like a chicken.’ Emily, 25

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