Yummy bunny

Tempting as it is to choose impractical fabrics – soft suede boots, fur trims – to impress upon the plebs that you have 24-hour access to the snowmobile kept under your five-star chalet, if you’re thinking of doing a spot of skiing (as opposed to just sitting in the Eagle Club in Gstaad, pretending to eat fondue) then you might want to opt for something a little hardier than quilted Chanel skis and matching, oversized sunnies. The streamlined approach is good – after all, what’s the point of a personal trainer if you just end up looking like the Michelin man?

Monochrome is slimming, and lightly padded all-in-ones are all the rage this winter. Patent flourishes on your belt, collars and the turn-ups of your snow boots will add a stylish touch, and layers of cashmere rather than flammable synthetics are what set you apart from hoi polloi.

Pro skier

This year’s trends/colours/styles don’t feature at the top of your checklist; the latest avalanche transmitter that doubles as a bootwarmer-cum-mobile-phone does instead. As a seasoned pro, you know the practical value of lots of layers (especially jackets with removable linings), and high-tech fabrics are essential for you. Check out the merino knits at IceBreaker – not only are they very soft but, thanks to their “wicking” quality, you won’t get all clammy. They don’t smell after an active day out, either – which is handy if you have no access to a washing machine. They also make fine-knit leggings that can be worn under trousers.

NB: wool is hopeless when it gets damp (including from perspiration), as it doesn’t require much wind-chill to turn the water to ice. A hard helmet is a must and, if you can bear it, wear bold-coloured trousers in case you need to be spotted in a snowdrift.

Snowboarder

The baggier the better! What you wear on the slopes is a natural progression from skater-girl style, and it’s handy for hiding the bloating effect of 15 pints of Stella from the night before, or housing all that “sno” paraphernalia in multiple zip-up pockets. You worship at the style altar of Avril Lavigne before she got married, dyed her hair blonde and went all glossy.

These “grungers” with their Rasta hair can be identified by their Oakley wraparounds; iPod dangling nonchalantly from one ear; combat or (ironic) animal-print jacket and loose “tweed” trousers – really made from high-tech fabric by a surfing manufacturer – which are, like, so cool, man! Boarders usually dress inappropriately for the weather: indecently low-slung trousers when it’s -20C and others are shivering in balaclavas, or chunky cable-knits when the snow is melting and skiers have resorted to shorts.

Beginner

You’re likely to spend most of the first week on your bottom, so avoid the “all the gear, no idea” trap: the full Prada ensemble with fur trims, new boots and skis is risible on anyone who can barely manage a snowplough (and once you have been stuck on enough chairlifts in violent northeasterlies, chicness starts to lose its appeal anyway). Other novice-skier giveaways are cashmere mittens – not practical in slushy snow, or indeed any snow – and wearing sunglasses in a white-out (not a pleasant experience). Do the sensible thing and invest in sunnies for the terrace, plus top-quality all-weather goggles.

Two places to find excellent skiwear at reasonable prices are Decathalon and outdoormania.co.uk. Bright colours make you easily identifiable (a good thing), while all-in-ones – currently a retro style revival – will prevent snow from getting into places it shouldn’t.

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