So Lindsay Lohan is shacking up with another woman, the DJ sister of Mark Ronson, Sam. Is this just another episode in the soap opera that is Hollywood’s favourite bad girl or has Lohan finally found happiness?

Here’s what’s weird. For the most part, the response is positively enthusiastic — the internet is full of Li Lo love. When did the girl with the car-crash life — one generating as much hostile public attention as media hysteria — become such a love bunny? More interesting, when did girl-on-girl action become not merely acceptable, but welcome?

I ask the 16-year-olds around me how significant it is that Lohan is making out with another girl. They have a think. About as significant as Lohan changing her hairstyle. For those who know any teenage girls, this is no surprise: they’ve been watching The OC (Mischa Barton snogging another girl) and The L Word, the lesbian soap, for years. At school, they’ve been swapping notes about being gay, bi or heteroflexible (my daughter’s word) since they were 12. To them, lesbianism isn’t cool, it’s just normal.

Even so, a gay friend admits to being astonished it’s all happened so fast. “I never thought I’d see people being so chilled,” she said. “At least, not in my lifetime.” She is 34. So the Lohan-Ronson tryst is not a blow for gay rights? “No. It’s just two people in love, and good on them.” These days, it seems, lesbianism is only as shocking as two people make it. When challenged with repeated questions from paparazzi, Ronson’s response was succinct but deadly: “Are you retarded?” It’s like when Cynthia Nixon, star of Sex and the City, came out. After the first oh-my-gosh news, there was no news, mainly because Nixon was so matter of fact: “I’m just a woman in love with another woman.”

Which is all perfectly fabulous, but there is a bigger emotional issue here: this new climate of gay-girl liberality seems to be mining a deep seam of longing among otherwise straight women. Women have always speculated about what it would be like to be with another woman, but it has always been a thought that is furtive, a daring idea whispered among friends — usually after a bottle or two of chardonnay. Now, it’s more than a possibility, it looks like a real option. If men fail you, there’s always the girl-on-girl fall-back. To increasing numbers of young women, it seems like a good thought in a bad world.

But is it? Personally, I think it’s a possible setup for a lot of women getting badly burnt. How do I know? Because I’ve been there — a long time ago, way before it was acceptable, let alone fashionable. Call it a little experimentation. Call it a search for love and meaning. I don’t know. I was young and rebellious and it seemed like a fine idea at the time.

Turns out it wasn’t for me and here’s why. We think, if men are from Mars, then Venus-on-Venus relationships — in which we speak the same emotional language — are going to be simpler and better. We are all looking to be nurtured and loved unconditionally — psychologists would say it’s what we’ve been searching for ever since we lost our innocence, when we were forced into accepting we are not actually the centre of our mother’s universe. We are the centre of our own. That’s a very lonely feeling, so we try to make up for it by finding somebody to love us, and what more unconditional love can there be than from somebody who truly understands you? Somebody of the same sex, somebody female and warm and caring?

Here’s the reality. It’s a myth that women are emotionally any different from men. Their communication styles may be different, but their needs and desires are not. To believe that being of the same sex somehow stops you from being individuals with unique emotional issues and flaws is not just wrong; it can cause terrible disappointment. Nixon has a point: we fall in love with people. When love and empathy are properly matched, gender is irrelevant. But when love and empathy are improperly matched, gender is also irrelevant.

So while it’s great that female sexuality is coming out of the closet and it’s excellent there are women who no longer feel guilty or ashamed of their instinctive sexual needs and desires, it would be wrong to think a little girl-on-girl action is going to solve any problems. In fact, it may create a whole lot more. Love is not a lifestyle option. Love is a beautiful, happy accident between two people, no matter what their gender.

So is it going to work for Li Lo? Is she really in love or is this another stepping stone on a long journey towards finding her true self? Is she looking for a mother, not having a particularly helpful one at home? Who knows? And who can blame her for looking for kindness and stability after a lifetime as a victim of identity theft?

New Lesbian Chic

”Everybody is lezzing it up right now,” says Kate Parkhouse, 23, hairstylist and gorgeous dykette. With her peroxide bowl haircut, cocktail dress and shiny brogues, she is symptomatic of the new generation of sexy young gay girls. Never before have there been so many prominent young lezzas with so much style and sass — Gossip, Yo Majesty, Cocorosie and Hercules and Love Affair are just a handful of hip bands boasting out-and-proud lesbian members. And then there is Katy Perry, who has just topped the US Billboard chart with her lesbo-dabbling hit, I Kissed a Girl.

Plenty of straight girls are being seduced by their look, too, from Pixie Geldof (top right) to Alice Dellal (middle) and Aggie Deyn (bottom). The key is, quite simply, not dressing to impress men. There is a simplicity and a fearlessness to the new lesbian chic that makes it extremely powerful: it takes away the frills and the flounce without any “butching up”. Ladies don’t need to feel unsexy or silly for embracing a tomboyish spirit. Looking like a lesbian is no longer a put-down, it’s a compliment.

John St John

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