Princess Eugenie’s recent Ursula Andress moment, papped in Thailand and beamed around the world, is a lesson to us all. For despite having both youth and an enviable figure on her side, she broke two basic beach commandments. Firstly, thou shalt either wear no make-up at all, or make-up that is waterproof, especially when it comes to mascara. Second, a generous embonpoint requires proper support at all times. Girls with cleavage, regardless of their age, must wear swimwear that fits.

The first problem is easy to fix: Clinique’s Lash Power Mascara (£13.21), waterproof and ideally suited to the rigours of gap-year hedonism (ie, falling asleep in your make-up after too many cocktails). The second requires a little more effort, since most high-street swimwear appears to be designed more for modestly proportioned pre-pubescent boys than real flesh and blood young women.

Ordinarily this wouldn’t bother me, since I tend to holiday in places where a waterproof jacket and thermal underwear are more the norm. But this year, for the first time since the birth of my children, I am attempting a beach-orientated break. And much as I would like to, it is not going to be possible for me to hide at the bar in a hat, sarong and sunglasses. I am going to have to participate, which will mean wearing a bathing costume. Crucially, I will have to move about in it, possibly at speed. And let me tell you, that is not a pretty sight.

Thank goodness, then, for Figleaves (www.figleaves.com). It seems to have cornered the market in beachwear solutions for the less-than-perfect lady holidaymaker – in-built bras, tummy-control fronts, useful ruching (good for confusing the eye) and clever styling.

Bikini-wise, Freya has a good line in supportive tops. Prettiest is the Bamboo Island bikini (£34), available in anything up to a G-cup. Essentially a normal bra, only in swimsuit material, this would look good on the beach or underneath an open-necked shirt in the evenings.

It remains, nevertheless, a bikini, and as such out of bounds for the likes of me. I was more interested in the legendary Miraclesuit, with its claim to make the wearer “look 10lb lighter in 10 seconds”. And I have to say its reputation is thoroughly deserved (although the quality of the fabric is a little disappointing). Even the bandeau-style costume (£135, above left) in flame red managed to make me look halfway decent. The sizing is generous, too: I would tend to err smaller than you usually wear.

In the end, I opted for Figleaves’ own brand. The Figleaves Waikiki underwired tankini top (£30) has good support, substantial straps and is generously styled – all excellent, since it’s going to have its work cut out.

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