Reckless going to bed with a complete stranger? Given that most sexual assaults are carried out by men who are known to their victim, one in five women suffer domestic abuse and one in three marriages end in divorce, I consider it more reckless to get married.

Annie W, Kendal, UK

What an unpleasant insult to most of your male readers. The educated ones, who can afford the time to read and think and enjoy The Times.
Don't you read these articles before you print them ?
I am from a public school and I feel like insulting the writer who wrote this piece - but I won't , because its what men like me are taught to do. To accept the insults of thoughtless ignorant people and still treat them with coutresy. Women like this make it very difficult to live up to the code I was taught to guide my life by.

Riley, Kyiv, Ukraine

Good for you girl ! some excitement back into your life. Never mind not knowing the bloke before, even if you had known him for years it could have turned out differently just like a one night stand, it depends on the situation. Fun is vital in a relationship but of course you need to calculate and be ware of these situations. What a good and refreshing article you have written.It brings back memories long forgotten yet yearning for, but we simple settle for less than desired just because of who we would rather be seen with. Status? sometimes it is boring and stagnant.

nana mthet, London, bromley

This is both sad and ridiculous. Having the door slammed in your face and being expected to pick up the tab will become just as unacceptable as the lack of passion. Men who are fully capable of treating a woman as if she is something to be cherished, whilst being passionate, raw and sensual are to be found in all stratas of society. They're not necessarily easy to find, but the trick is in the discernment. It's no good blaming the men if you're not particularly good at choosing.

Clare Bhaoilligh-Sander, Oxford, England

Alex in Bristol, you have obviously never tried to give a bad driver drirectons.
I have dated public school boys, while their kisses promise alot, I have learnt not to hold my breath or try to direct.
Thier response to direction ( no matter how subtle) is to ignore it or pretend it's your fault

Flavia, london,

Now you all know why my man is a truck driver.He has the utmost respect for me,treats me well & we love eachother to bits.& the sex is fantastic.There you go.

Birds, Tel Aviv, Israel

I am an Ex Public School Boy, mid 20's now, got packed off when i was 8. Firstly I am not "emotionally broken" or whatever you called it. Ive always thought of my being emotionally independent as a positive. I can, and will be emotionally intimate, its just the interview process takes a little longer. It means we make good James Bonds! Secondly i agree those schools do teach us that women are real people etc, and so we can be a bit to nice. I have since learned from those teenage days that you girls like nothing more than a cocky, foul mouthed, farting man to "make you feel like a women"

Ex Public School, London, UK

Posh 30 somethings are ideal slappers, usually named 'Chlamydia' with double barrelled surnames. Pagan and up for it, at the heart of the nation's womanhood.
No wonder Islam can mount such a telling attack on British morality, hedonistic consumerism using people as mere objects to obtain the great idol, the orgasm. Role models for your daughters, neices of the future, abortions by the score notched up on your bedposts.
The nation is now back to a pre Wesley, Hogarthian state, royals with mistresses and drunken in clubs, the poor struggling and uneducated, the wealthy like Clare debauched. Why anyone wants to immigrate here is quite mysterious.

BigT, Abingdon, UK

Cool down, kiddies. Take a class or something. Or write to GQ Magazine and get it off your chest, get some advice. Of course, we probably feel intimidated in that department, seeing as there are plastic devices who do the job better than most of us most of the time. The truth is if more time is spent being real with our mates, instead of covertly competing as in some sort of phallical arms race, and more attention is payed to your woman, you won't suck at sex anymore. But if you keep living a facade, like these so-called posh boys, well then you'll never experience good sex. And that, my friends, is sad.

Peter Watson, london, uk

The author's problem is obvious, she didn't think about what she wants. In the first few paragraphs she wants the "good marriage material" with the stylishly clad children and the holidays in the south of France, in the end she finds them to be "obsessed" with becoming "filthy rich". What a turnaround.

Which leaves the reader - well, me, anyways - thinking what her attitude towards men in general is. What does she expect them to do? One could think she wants to find someone close to her emotionally; but for "a decade", sounding as if the time had made her as experienced as only the wise are, she seems to have chosen her bedfellows preferably amongst those who are of "good marriage material". And recalling what she calls "good marriage material", no wonder she failed to find someone she could emotionally relate to. She didn't look for someone like that, she looked for the holidays in the south of France. And she has been demanding in that; and she still seems to be: "Again and again."

Georg Bachmeier, Passau, Germany

Clare, hope you checked for hidden cameras at his flat. A lot of blokes I know of film their one night stands and put it on the internet.

sib, Bristol, UK

how shallow?! instead of dismissing these "posh boys" as being rubbish in bed, why not give them suggestions of how to improve?

Alex, newcastle, uk

This silly, schoolgirlish article has brought a whole new meaning to the phrase "hug a hoodie"

Patricia Foster, Newbury, England

"I think you were unbelievably reckless to go home with a complete stranger."

Hmmm. She knew full well what she was doing, it's quite clear what each party wanted - a win, win situation.

Why is it that people assume it will be so much safer after you've gone on a few dates with someone? You still hardly know them, and even when you think you do, they could always be deceiving you... Going home with someone is always a gamble, unless you have mutual acquaintances who can vouch for someone's character.

And when you fancy someone, I don't think that's going to be the first thing on your mind...

Let her have some fun for gawd's sake!

Liz, Oxford,

Totally agree with you on the public schoolboy thing - but how utterly reckless of you to home with a stranger. This story could have ended very differently.

Caroline, Windsor,

How patronising. So when we're feeling a bit naughty we should tootle down to our local council-estate for a bit of rough-and-ready with a poor person? Then when that's all out of our system, back up to Snooty Towers for the serious business of finding a partner? From what I read, you use rich people for their contacts and money, and working-class people for sex. Maybe a happier approach might be to stop using people.

J, London,

I think you have been dating the wrong type of city boys. If it takes you three weeks to get a date, why bother? You're 30, for goodness sake, start trying to go out with people that you actually like!

Us public school kids are not all bad you know, but I think that those who choose live in the city are the ones with problems. City life offers anonymity and a place to bury your head in the sand by working most of the hours God sends and drinking away the others in a trendy wine bar.

Which is why I hate it and live in the countryside. With my 27 year old husband. And my dogs, estate car and wellingtons.

Emma, Hastings, UK

Then you woke up, right?

Jonathan, Bethesda, Maryland, USA

UK middle and upper middle class guys and gals can't do it within their own social circle, unless drunk. It just seems to be too close to incest. Good for Clare to find out that a trip down the ladder can make wonders and she was just so lucky her Cockney wasn't gay.

robert, vancouver, bc

So much for the gentler sex.

Anthony Diggle, Bury,

I am 33, ex-public school and just fine with conversation -- chit chat or coital; indoors, outdoors, on board somewhere hot; marathon lovemaking or shower shag; morning, midday or post romantic evening. The only thing for me is that sex is part of a relationship, something for two people, whether a weekend fling or something more long term; mind with body, passionate; I have never been able to just grab someone, have sex and walk away -- is that public school ? I don't mind if it is, as that is just the way I am. Not a problem for me or for the woman I am with, nonetheless ;)

CH, Sheffield,

Ms. Gyde: I'm glad you found a guy that suited your tastes, and I hope it works out for you.

That said, I think you were unbelievably reckless to go home with a complete stranger. That tedious to-and-fro is to give you a chance to vet the guy before you start bending the mattress with a married/involved guy, a creep, a drug addict, or someone dangerous. Taking a few precautions doesn't mean settling for a boring person.

Jill, Pittsburgh, PA, USA

It seems very dangerous to go home with a man she had only just met - no matter what social class he was. I can't understand anyone taking this risk these days.

Alys, Colchester, UK

If 'the scars of public school upbringing' are so apparent why do you send your sons and daughters to such institutions ? Because the benefits in terms of achievement, motivation, what passes for confidence, and social connections outweigh the damage in terms of the emotional death it takes to get through the experience ?

jon, North West, UK

This article will no doubt be blasted for the generalisations of ex public schoolboys, but personally speaking, how true it is! The scars of their public school upbringings - single sex schools, fagging to prefects, being sent away at 7 and seeing more of the family chauffeur than their parents leads to a neat, I-shouldn't-be-doing-this, detached sex. And the comments about cuddling up afterwards - how spot on. Cuddling up is seen as over-attachment, clingy, reliance, too much... They arrive and run away within the hour, scared and confused. I also refreshingly experienced a "bit of rough" in a cheeky Saaawf Londoner: up front, no holds barred, frank approach to sex that was great.

Laura Roberts, London, UK

A bit stereotyped don't you think? Not all council estate boys make good lovers, and not all public schoolboys are emotionaly crippled! Fortunately I fall into neither cataegory.

Joseph, London, England

well i'm "having" a bit of what I suppose would be called a posh boy buthe is emotionally open, kind, generous, enjoys the post coital cuddling, without the coke habit and with the manners so former public school boys aren't all bad!! Plus the sex is, quite simply, unrivalled!!!!

LJ, London,

Perhaps you should be looking more to yourself than at the class of man your sleeping with. Perhaps when confronted with the possibility of a one night stand you have left all the inhibitions, that have followed you round for so long, in the pub. Its much easier to cut lose and get what you want when you think there will be no come backs. Stepping outside your social circle has always provided a release. Its also telling that you yourself admit to hang ups when with "posh" boys, it will hardly inspire them to a winnng performance now will it.

Besides maybe all these "posh" boys say there sorry in the hope that you won't write an article about their performance in the sunday times.

Posh Boy, Iceland ,

Women. Always complaining. Who cares anyway?

Redcliffe, London,

i agree with all the things that are said but not just regarding sex, the happiest people i know havnt got mercs, house in the country, blah blah blah, they are just happy with who they are and what they are,

andrew hyland, vigo, spain

i thought this article was a great read. Yes it generalises but why not? It's her opinion and her experiences!

maya, berkshire,

Totally in agreement with David's comments above. It's not just posh boys. Posh girls are often more interested in salary and schooling than fun and fulfillment in (and out of) the sack. I've found raw passion, honesty and genuine happiness with a delicious Greek peasant gal, and have never had it so good!

Jon Dunlop, Sydney, Australia

Merc, horses, big house, holidays, verses, umm a pint.... you choose dear. Oh and when you're 55 and looking to go skiing, get open the fridge.

JJ Huthwaite, London, UK

I've had my share of mundane sexual encounters with posh girls and had quite a similar experience. Of course, in the eyes of people like this writer that would be entirely my fault but I always had the sense that what was missing was some kind of true, honest exchance of feelings. I felt the girls I was with were more concerend with themselves, one way or another, than our connection. They seemed to worry about how they looked, what I'd think of them if they did this or that - basically they were often too uptight to make it comfortable, and that kind of put me off my game!

At last I have a relationship that looks like lasting, with someone who would never describe herself as posh - and she has none of these hang-ups. So I would say this in not something that afflicts only 'posh' men. I would also go as far as to say that the cure for the phenomenon Ms Gyde describes is a woman who is a little more down-to earth than your average 'posh' girl. I guess opposites attract!

David Space, London, UK

Isn't it wonder ful how women are using their new found candour?

Bob Jones, London,

Wow Clare! You must have slept with an awful lot of public schoolboys to feel you can pass judgement on the whole bunch of them in this way!

That said, I find myself agreeing with a lot of what you say - in reverse. Public school girls also seem cold and difficult to connect with to me. Oddly enough, I've found 'posh girls' (as you'd describe them) much more abandoned in bed, so admittedly that experience doesn't match yours. But there's definitely been an absence of real human warmth with my more socially priveleged and pampered campanions. Maybe I'm a bit unusual for a guy but that does make it a bit difficult to enter into the spirit of things sometimes.

By contrast, the times when I've really felt like a sex god have always been with less snooty women. Maybe that priveleged private-school attitude is actually a turn-off for both men and women. Or maybe we all just get a kick out of the unfamiliar regardless of our gender.

Malcolm Lochhead, London, UK

It's people like you that give single girls at 30 a bad name! Good grief, the fact that you have to differentiate between the public school boys and a bit of rough surely shows how small minded and tunnel visioned you've been all your life. Coke habits are not exclusive to city boys, the "bits of rough" have them too - and not all of "them" have the capability of demonstrating the love you describe - their parents are probably as emotionally retarded as yours sounded - I'm sure mummy and daddy would be over the moon if you married the banker, it would, after all be the right thing to do. What I find incredible is that you feel the need to put people into compartments - it's people like you who exaggerate the class split in this country because you think you're better than other people - sex is what you make it - if you're with someone you trust and love, it can be as wild and carefree, or as gentle and modest as you like. Grow up.

Claire, Berkshire,

Yeah, but after your 'bit of rough' i bet you'll marry the money. how stereotypical.

Joe, London,

Hilarious. How true of the 'ra - ra' boys.

Eleanor, Dublin,

Utter tosh! To damn a whole section of society just to justify your lousy choice of partners to date is pretty feeble. And yes, if you have the stones for it, I'll happily back myself!

Paul, London, England

The key to this is that the man has loving parents. How do you expect men who are packed off to prep school at seven, then on to boarding school, to have the warm, spontaneous reponses of a man whose mum kissed him when he went off to school every day and whose dad hugged him when he scored a goal at the local rec? You can't learn spontaneous physical affection if you've been deprived of it in childhood.

JF, Canterbury, UK

The combo... More exciting. At least the bad boy can afford a pizza LOL.

julie Kroll, Westlake Village, USA, CA

What a great, refreshing article. Posh boys ARE indeed very very boring.

Susie, London,

Hey, Jeremy Clarkson
What do you have to say ????
Sally
Cranbrook B.C.
Canada

sally moore, Cranbrook, canada