This subject is done to death, isn't it? Why can't The Times find something a little less smutty to write about?! Post that.. (Silly photograph too)

susan, london,

So Iris, what first attracted you to your multi millionaire business man who was nothing to look at at, had a unforgettable personality and rather strange sexual tastes?

Eric, London, Surrey

As Bill Hicks once said: you don't pay someone for sex, you pay them to leave in the morning!
Scientific analysis has shown that after four years in a relationship a womans' libido reduces by 10% and will continue to drop every year thereafter while they remain in the relationship, whereas a mans will stay pretty much the same whether the relationship lasts 10, 20 or even 30 years. We all get bored - or settled, as some would call it - so why do we bother with relationships? Men need sex - not want - need! It's sad I agree but that's what we are and no amount of sociological debate is going to change that. With that in mind, prostitution should be legalised and strictly regulated. Let's be honest with ourselves, we are all prostitutes. We sell our knowledge, experience etc to an employer for money.
A message to all women: stop looking for a man with whom you can spend your life with, face the facts, we're good for a few years at best.

James Hodgson, Liverpool,

"Ambition" is defined as the desire for more (and more) of three things: (1) money, (2) fame, (3) power.

As those three goals are increasingly achieved, their allure actually increases. "Buying" services (cleaning, a driver, a butler) is one way of contributing to all three at once, but nothing speaks more to actually "owning," if only for a short time, a person so servile as to service your sexual preferences -- nothing speaks of total ownership more than that person giving up the most personal right they have.

Buying sex isn't about the sex -- the sex is a symbol of the domination that has accrued to the ambitious person: their money makes them the (short-term) "owner" of a person (money), they can do with that person as they like (power), and they make it known (fame).

Ambition, not sex, is the ultimate addiction.

Carson, Leatherhead, UK

To pay for sex would seem to point to insecurity.

It also suggests that there is a difference between relative income and ability within the broader community.

Should a prostitute become pregnant and be able to identify the father- a regular customer, not impossible to do, she would be able to apply to the CSA or indeed the Courts if really a wealthy punter so these liasons are not totally free of risk apart from discovery and STDs.

The behaviour of some women towards those they perceive as relatively wealthy and powerful is similarly suspect.

Damian, Brighton, Sussex

to say that one needs to pay for sex as a relief from one's life is a lame excuse. If you can't take the pressure without resorting to dishonesty, then change your life; live more simply.

Marco, Krakow, Polska.

I like how the picture accompanying the story shows a balding,portly man over 50 who wouldn't be able to attract the girls normally - a case of double standards?

john, London,

@Emily

That wouldn't work, because the "bit on the side" would then be the "bit that caused the rest to fall apart".

We (men and women) want that secret, passionate fling inbetween work meetings, but we still want that long term stability of the partner you've spent months/years/decades with; the only person in the world who knows your flaws, what makes you tick.

Jeff, Manchester,

What a load of self-justifying, arrogant , self-centred tosh [for want of a better word]....money does NOT entitle you to betray, deceive or otherwise disrespect a faithful and loving partner.

This talk of addiction is utter nonsense - if you are bored and want to put it about a bit then be man/woman enough to admit it - but also admit to yourself that it is not pretty or noble to let your partner [or yourself] down by lying and cheating - and it is the lying that does the damage.

If you are unattached then whatever happens between consenting adults [not Rent Boys] is their business....

Arthur Moe, Bolton, Lancs

As a woman, what's always interesting to me in these stories is the woman's attitude and behaviour. It always seems to be that they can know and tolerate their man's conduct *up to a point.* She says it's "the lies" that destroyed the relationship but that is clearly a "lie" she tells to herself. He didn't lie to her - he told her exactly what he was doing and why (as far as he could recognize his own motives). She says this clearly. But what were *her* real motives? She knew what he was doing. Perhaps she needs to admit that *her* motives for a relationship are not what she claims or perhaps thought. For a lot of women, social status is more important than love (or money, in fact, guys), it seems to me, and as long as she sn't publicly humiliated she can tolerate a lot - it's the attitude of others that often seems to "break" her heart. We live not only pairs, but in groups and communities and nowadays perhaps fail to consider that when negotiating terms for relationships.

RW, London,

Oh goody, another article about prostitutes. There hasn't been one for at least two days.

Bev, Bucks, UK

I blame the media partly for men's eager to go to prostitutes. I mean sex is portrayed visually everywhere nowadays: some people are jus tnot good at resisting temptations.

All this also boils down to expectations and communication: some people are madly committed to their partner thinking it will last forever, while at the same time the other partner doesnt feel the same but fails to express it.

Why else would a man look elsewhere? In my opinion, these ''powerful men'' are all cowards.

T, St Louis, US

Human mind is very unpredictable. I think there are lots of things that are still unknown. We may call something degrading because we don’t understand why we actually do this. Anything could have triggered this so called ‘degrading activity’. Starting from a bored life to an over protective wife and many other issues. I think we need to ask ourselves more questions before we jump into a conclusion.

Maharishi, Coventry,

Fine - men seem to crave something different, women too - this is certainly not a gender-exclusive issue.

But I agree with the author, it is below all levels of human decency to go for a "bit on the side" - why bother keeping up the charade of a happy relationship or family if you enjoy the power rush, anonymity, whatever it may be.

Surely ending a relationship is far less cruel, and as the author highlights, less potentially damaging to one's partner's health and well-being.

Emily, London,

The only difference between men and women is that the latter don't have to pay for sex. They are just as shallow, disloyal and likely to be loose than any other moderately attractive man.

Jeff, Manchester,

Prostitution degrades all of us...
My father as a prominent businessman has many affairs and no doubt encounters good time girls/ prostitutes in his social life, i reckon i was never an innocent child as i was aware of this...
While i never met these women i still felt degraded by it, now imagine how his wife felt?
How can a person in a committed relationship be entitled to private life?

rebecca, london, england

Can I ask what the motivation was for the writer to be with this guy?, if he's an "ugly, Saggy Fiftysomething"?.

I wonder???. Could it be slightly financially related??.

How does this make her any different to any of the people the guy picked up and paid for?.

Adamski, Edinburgh,

Some people aren't very nice. You've had a lucky escape, and by the skin of your teeth, from being married to this person.

There are plenty of men to choose from, though you cannot expect money and handsome looks and good moral character and a complete lack of prior attachments, unless you are exceptionally lucky. Prioritise a good moral character next time.

Malcolm McLean, Bradford, UK

The paying is to ensure that the woman does not pose a threat when the sex is over. The more high profile you are the more it costs to make her go away and keep it a secret. The payment is therefore not for the sex but a payment to mitigate future risk.

The more responsibility people carry and the more they are expected to be beyond reproach the more likely they are to drive their dark sides underground where they encounter the world of prostitution and drugs.

Carl, Irene, South Africa

This article is very critical of the man for trading power and money to get sex. But the other party is trading sex to get money. Why is this not equally disparaged?

I don't have a problem with people freely trading sex. But that doesn't mean I would put up with a partner behaving in this way - or worse still, lying about it.

As for ludicrous vows: no-one forces you to make a commitment, Robert.

Norman, Anstruther, UK

Martin from Berkshire, you seem to have forgotten the two cardinal rules of modern gender relations:

1) Men can do no right and women can do no wrong.
2) When in doubt, refer to rule #1.

John F, London,

I'm amused that all the comments are by men... hmmm... and are basically all negative comments about the author and her thoughts/experiences. Don't judge until you've walked in her shoes, feels like an appropriate retort...
Excellently written article, which brought up some very interesting issues and idea. The author has not been judgemental to John X, but has given another angle to the ideas of prostitution and those who buy. An open and honest comment on our current society and attitudes to sex. I have experience with powerful men (my father being a rather prominent politician overseas) and agree with the idea/relationship with power, people (esp. men, but not only men) in power have.

A, London,

What a sorry bunch of comments. 'never know your partner', 'fooling around is and always has been just a part of living' 'men and women get bored' etc
That's the problem with society today. Selfish, lacking any loyalty or morality, tiny attention span. The best relationships are those built on loyalty, honesty, trust and love. And you can't have that if you are popping out every now and again for a bit extra on the side. Such behaviour can only be unfullfilling and lead to hurt, pain, sadness and anger.
Yes, nobody's perfect, and yes it does happen, but to throw your hands up in the mindless, self-centred way some of these comments seem to be suggesting shows a pathetic lack of awareness about what is truly valauble and important in the world.

mike jones, colchester, essex

I'm reasonably sure neither Mussolini nor Chairman Mao ever had to pay for sex! There seem to be two alternative explanations, and I'm not sure which I'd pick:

1) They are actually less-powerful men who wish to project power and lack any more creative ideas. (All right, already, call me s sore loser!)

2) It's a straightforward example of what real Doms and real subs call "power exchange" - i.e. it's the prostitute, not the man, who's in control of whether he gets sex or not. (This may also partially explain the "free sample" exercise described in the article, and the donor may see himself as in control of whether the recipient gets sex or not.)

As someone who has always regarded paid sex as the ultimate degradation, I'd incline towards the second.

Ian Kemmish, Biggleswade, UK

And I see powerful women behaving in exactly the same manner...but somehow that seems to be OK...?

martin, reading, berkshire

I think too much is being made about the above. Some people do it some people don't - why are there always complex psychological points to the way people live their lives in the C21st ? There are many men around and no doubt women, who pay for sex because it is the only way they can get it.

In France it seems to be a failure if a man doesn't have a mistress and a wife. All this reminds me of that old British comedy hit in the 1970's - NO SEX PLEASE, WE'RE BRITISH !!!!

Ian Payne, WALSALL,

Isn't it about time to face the fact that men AND women get bored with each other after a while and that fouling around is and always has been just a part of living for both sexes.

One of the most ludicrous vows a couple can make to each other is to stay physically faithful for the rest of their lives.

robert, vancouver , bc

Sounds more like the average sociopath to me. Will he experience withdrawal symptoms if he ceases the behaviour? I doubt it. After all, he does the same thing in his day job to all those investors and their portfolios. And the faux dismay you project feels more like a sore loser in the typical gender struggles.

Edmond Clay, Fallbrook, CA, CA/USA

Don't deceive yourself! No matter how long you are in a relationship or marriage, you will never know your partner to his/her full extent. And that is the real lie, to yourself: assuming you actually will know or are entitled to know everything about some other human being. You won't and you are not - as unfair as it is at times, life is thus. Get over it, stop moaning about it, and let life continue.

Paddy, London,

Good man!

Bill, London,

No. They just want something a bit different from time to time.

wilson, london, uk