For heaven's sake, let's keep a sense of proportion! I am 70, and I remember as a child once walking into my parents' bedroom (I can't think why, it was an unstated rule that their room - and the bathroom when someone else was in it - were out of bounds). Anyway, there was Mum with her breasts - which I had never seen before, except to suck them when I was a baby - out on the counterpane. Dad was standing without his pyjama bottoms and I had a clear view of his dangling penis (again, for the first and the last time). I was intrigued, but I was not in the least troubled, scarred for life, or whatever. It was only when I was older that I realised what the scene meant - that they were relaxing after making love. Good for them, I say now. And I am grateful to them for not mentioning the incident afterwards. It would have been much more distrurbing to be taken on one side and told, "well, son, you have to understand that your mother and I love each other, and when people love each o..."

JF, Canterbury, UK

children are very curious about what is going on in their parent's bedroom because the question "how do babies arrive" is one of the most crucial in human mind. Though, their psychism isn't "prepared" to face adult sexuality. So, it seems to me very important to keep them away of these scenes as much as we can, and to reassure them when you couldn't avoid this thing.
L. Drillet psychiatrist, France

DRILLET, nantes, france

Lulu,
I think we can safely assume that you live in a modern house, by which I mean one built post-WW2? And that you are a lot younger than me (not difficult!), and haven't stayed in many older houses in your young life.
Locks on all the internal doors USED to be the norm in this country too. I grew up in a 1930's semi here in Yarmouth that certainly had them (not that we ever used them), and have in my time encountered many others, including a few post-war.
Funnily enough, there was a prog on Radio 4 only last week about the (real-life, not fictional) investigation into a late 18th century country house murder, and one reason they knew it to be an inside job was that the final ritual before turning in at night was the locking of all the windows and internal as well as external doors.
They have become increasingly rare in new-build private houses since the war, of course, except for bathrooms and WCs, but I'm sure this has been purely for penny-pinching, cost-cutting purposes.

David, Gt. Yarmouth, UK

I do not think I will ever fully accept the opinions of someone from the US on this type of thing. Their priorities are completely topsy turvy in my view. If this happened to us it would be a simple matter of waiting to see if the child was affected by anything she/he saw and dealing with that accordingly. No big debate, no drama and no gnashing of teeth and self examination. In the US it is legal to buy a gun at 16 years old, but not to get married. Violence is perfectly fine because it is part of the fabric of life for them. However, show something sexy or swear on TV and the matter causes a national debate and, most importantly, a public apology. Our two teenage children are well versed in the facts of life, we have talked openly about it from the moment they became curious. We now have an open and free exchange of views with them. In my view that is far more healthy than pretending we are all celibate and God forbid that anyone should mention S - E - X.

Colin, Shaftesbury, UK

Things are easier to explain if you have some illustrations at hand. I would recommend "How a Baby Is Made" by Per Holm Knudsen.

Helge, Weimar, Germany

Typical English...an article which discusses kids catching
their parents involved in rough sex ends up with a discussion on grammer..me and the wife had a good laugh about that!

Aidan, Dundalk, Ireland

Why do English bedrooms never have a lock on them?

James, Monteria, Colombia

My parents definitely never had sex - quite impossible to imagine.

Arnold Ward, Weybridge, Surrey, UK

Lulu: Yes, in the United States it's very common to have them on bedroom and bathroom doors. They're usually simple locks that lock from the inside only and require no key, but they do ensure privacy.

Kayleigh, Roanoke, VA, USA

"Help! Our daughter caught us having sex"

"Caught"? Were the parents doing something wrong..immoral...illegal..improper? ? ? Of course not!

The widely prevalent concept that pre-pubescent children will shrivel up and die instantly if they are ever exposed to anything sexual (..they must be "protected"...from "harm"..!) at all is indeed bizarre and illogical. Such kids are infinitely more resillient, and naturlly intelligent, than we give them credit for. How do/would they otherwise survive their parents and reach adulthood with reasonable sanity!?!

The child would probably have told her mother "Don't be upset, Mum! It's OK! Get over it: You were just having sex! Parents do that ALL THE TIME!"

In the USA, many parents feel that they have to "block" violent programs on TV...and any images of breasts on TV always shown with the nipples blocked out. Are nipples indecent...harmful...unnatural? It seems that every kid has seen at least TWO!

Garth Strong, San Diego, USA

Phil Culmer - Dr Calderone suggested that little children of three years old be told "the facts of life" - I was once three and I feel sure that I wouldn't have understood a word of what was told me. I am not suggesting that children be kept ignorant, but rather that three years old is too young to be able to comprehend the details. Children have become adults over thousands of years and don't appear to have had any difficulty reproducing and I cannot see that today is any different. And as for getting the information in school, even in the United Kingdom (from where I hail) formal schooling does not commence at such a tender age. No responsible kindergarten teacher would broach the subject of sex and reproduction; childhood is a time for innocence and enjoyment - there is plenty of time afterwards for other aspects of life.

David Cunard, Los Angeles, United States

My eight-year granddaughter asked me what your 'bioogical' parents meant whilst I was watching the news the other day. She is very perceptive, so I launched into what I thought was a simple explanation saying that it meant that you had a mixture of your parents' blood and body cells, as opposed to someone who might be adopted, who had a mummy and daddy who hadn't 'made' them. When I asked her if she understood, she looked intently at me, carried on twiddling her hair and said 'not really'! So much for trying the scientific way of explaining - any other suggestions?

sk, East Sussex,

How strange..... do people outside the UK really have locks on internal doors in their homes?

Lulu, Cheltenham, UK

Put a lock on the door if you want erotic sex, that way you can enjoy it as rough as you like away from little eyes. It works!

SeanR, Taunton,

My Great Granddaughter woke to find her parents in the mid of sexual intercourse. She admonished them by saying "You kn ow you are not allowed to bounce on the bed"..

Barbara Aldridge, Feltham, UK

My partner and I both regarded our respective parents' bedrooms as somehow sacred places, different to the rest of the house, not to be entered without very good reason. There was an unwritten law to this effect.
We laugh at how similar our situations were.
Not so with our children. Saturday and Sunday mornings and the door would burst open with one and later two little munchkins diving on our bed and thereafter jumping up and down, shouting, quite oblivious of what was (or might have been) going on.
We live in changed days.

Peter, Medina Sidonia, Spain

I remember when I was twelve going into my parents' bedroom at 8 am with cups of tea on a tray, wanting to be the dutiful son. Mum and dad woke up and expressed their surprise and pleasure. I turned around and picked up a used condom from the mantlepiece. "What's this, dad?" I asked, as Dad shot out of bed and grabbed the item as if he had just sat on a swarm of bees. No, they didn't sit me down later and explain, either!

Mike Mitchell, Spalding, England

"More to the point, what was a six year old doing wandering through the house alone while her parents were having sex??"

Erm - kids never get up in the night to go to the toilet or have a drink of water, I presume?

Ursula, Birmingham,

Pu Li, do you have kids?

They have a habit of not cooperating, whether she got up after bed time to find out what the noise was or wondered off to to find someone to change her DVD to yet another barbie cartoon (possibly put on so the parents could get 5 minutes alone) you cant condem them for letting their daughter wonder around her own home!

On the bright side, she'll have learned to knock in future!

Mike, plymouth, UK

If she was older she might have understood????...lol. What?...that its "perfectly" normal if Mommy and Daddy tie each other up at night...lol.

Maybe they should tell her...they're just playing Germans..lol

Murph, Madisonville, USA/KY

David, you are obviously of the school that believes that children know nothing that isn't told to them by their parents or school - it ain't so.
Whilst I wouldn't make a point of sex education at that age, ignorance does not prevent experimentation. Children at that age investigate all sorts of things, including their own and each other's bodies, without thinking of it in a sexual way.
If their questions are answered honestly and sensibly, then they can develop the understanding that evidence has found leads to later experimentation - compare the teenage pregnancy rates of the US and Sweden.
Trying to keep children ignorant of sex is about as easy (and as helpful) as trying to keep a boat dry. There are already girls of 12 getting pregnant - they're the ones that don't know that the fun games that they are playing are sex.

Phil Culmer, Southend on Sea, UK

More to the point, what was a six year old doing wandering through the house alone while her parents were having sex??

Pu Li, Guangxi,

If your locks do not work, why not put Vaseline on the door knob?

Victor Cedar, Scottsdale, USA

This is a classic case supporting the English idiom of locking the stable door after the horse has bolted. If there is genuine concern about a child seeing any particular adult activity then parents, whether in the heat of the moment or not, should have the mental capacity and maturity to lock the door.

Cornelis Reiman, Bangkok, Thailand

some of my friends have once privately talked about the experience of interrupted their parent's sex iduring their childhood, and after years, they seems all could hold a right attitude toward sex and take a smile to that accident. i think this lady is overreacting on this. just tell her kid that is merely a game which only suitable for adults with a nice gentle tone. her kid would get over it in soon.

cty, zhejiang, china

Apart from any other consideration, why wasn't the child ever instructed to knock on the door before entering? Over sixty years ago that's what I was told and it seemed only good manners to do so, like chewing food with one's mouth shut, another lesson I was taught at a tender age. Children should not be able to barge into their parents' bedroom when the door is closed - that's what doors are for, to keep unwanted visitors out. I can't agree with Dr Calderone - three year olds have no idea what romantic love is and certainly can have no idea how the species is reproduced. If her advice is taken we shall have experimentation at far earlier ages than at present; as it is puberty is frequently reached at and before twelve - it can't be long before there will be young mothers of that same age. I cannot see that children, indeed only just out of babyhood, should be burdened with the knowledge of reproduction and inevitably, birth control. Let them be children!

David Cunard, Los Angeles, United States