As a cat lover, I felt for a client who told me that she must get rid of her treasured cat, Theo, because her now-committed boyfriend is highly allergic.

Linda, 37, is beside herself about this loss. But hang on: gain a man, lose a cat, what's the dilemma? After all, this is the woman who has banged on for two years about her biological clock and how much she wanted to settle down. Her chance has arrived in the shape of David, who is also keen to marry and start a family.

But all Linda has focused on is her loss. Yes, Theo has provided her with companionship for four years - and Linda has morphed into a classic cat-fussing singleton who chats to her moggy and lavishes gifts on it. We understand that she is attached to Theo, but it's time to wake up and appreciate being able to have a real family with a real partner.

With budding relationships that are turning serious, I hear people discuss what they are losing (freedom, their flat, their cat) rather than what they are gaining. And sometimes their “loss” seems quite petty - not smoking around their new lover as it disgusts him or her, resisting ordering a juicy steak that would sicken their new veggie partner, and suchlike.

This theme of gain and loss within a new relationship plays itself out in many ways. Depending on your personality and perspective, you can harbour resentment or focus on your gain wholeheartedly. Many of us fall somewhere in between, realising that we have a cup half full and trying not to worry about the other half that has been emptied away.

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