241 Pizza

When Rachel started work at my office, we immediately struck up a friendship.

After years of repressing my feelings and beating myself up for going through with a wedding I never really wanted, accepting that my marriage was failing was a huge relief. Even after I confessed that I had fallen in love with Rachel, Gail tried to control the situation, picking me up from work every evening. Splitting up was not an option for her. While she was at her parents with Ben, I packed my things and left a note to say I wasn’t coming back. I couldn’t reason with Gail — this was the only way I could escape.

Some friends and family hate what I did, and can’t see past the fact that I left my wife for another woman. If they knew what really happened, they would feel differently.

IT W AS A LOVELESS MARRIAGE

Helen, 46, left her husband after 19 years together

I met my second husband through work. Mike had a great sense of humour and was attractive. My already having a child put pressure on our relationship, but I had high expectations. After three years, however, the physical spark dwindled, with Mike interested in sex only once a fortnight. When I tried to talk it through, he was uncommunicative. I put it down to him being a “typical bloke”.

When we married, we had holidays and family days out, but there was never time to relax and just be together; he never showed intimacy or affection. Our sex life went further downhill; I initiated contact and he pushed me away. It destroyed my confidence.

After a rare moment of passion, our son was conceived, but it made no difference to Mike’s coldness. Now there was even less time for me. I finally confronted him about what I had done to put him off. To my horror, Mike said: “I don’t love you.”

The bottom dropped out of my world. I threw myself into work.

The years passed and our married life became increasingly compassionless. I started taking antidepressants as a substitute for love and sex. My friends urged me to leave, but the children’s happiness was my main concern.

After 19 years with Mike, I felt worn down. My personality had ebbed away. There were increasingly long periods of silence, when unresolved issues festered. We hadn’t slept together in two years, and I desperately missed feeling wanted.

I finally left Mike last year. It was like ending a business partnership. He didn’t try to change my mind and we split everything down the middle. I threw the antidepressants away and have never looked back.

I regret not standing up to Mike. I deserved better and should have had the confidence to leave long ago. I would certainly never settle for second best again.

I WAS BLINDED BY LOVE

Ruth, 23, dumped her boyfriend last summer

Having a sexy, charming and incredibly cute boss is a huge distraction. I was flattered that Dale lavished so much attention on me, and paid no heed to mutual friends who said he was a liar and a cheat. I thought: “He won’t do that to me.”

Our relationship became very heated very quickly, and we laughed all the time.

I abandoned my friends to share cosy evenings at his flat.

After a few months, I was forced to accept that Dale was a liar. I knew he used cocaine, which I disapproved of. On one night out, he was obviously “powdering his nose” all evening, but repeatedly denied it. We had an epic argument, which ended only when he was dragged away by the police. He stole from me on several occasions and was dishonest about who he spent time with. I also heard rumours that he was cheating on me. I never challenged him, because I knew he would lie. Swayed by his good looks and sympathetic of his difficult childhood, I still loved him and made excuses for him.

Increasingly, however, his lies and moody behaviour made him less attractive. I dumped him after 18 months. There weren’t enough of the good times to outweigh the bad. It felt weird, because I had wanted to break up for ages, but couldn’t stop moping around. The first time I swapped numbers with a guy was the best thing ever. I thought: “I’m back!”

Dale called constantly, begging for another chance. He still sends messages telling me that I’m the “only one”. I take all this with a pinch of salt: there is no way I would go back and have to make excuses for his behaviour again.

All names have been changed

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