A client of mine, Nicola, 31, recently complained that although she had made a big deal about her and her boyfriend of four months feeling “comfortable” with each other, and being able to relax together because they work long hours, he has now become far too comfortable.

The noises, the smells, the generally graceless things that should probably be kept under wraps are now out in the open: Mark is definitely relaxed in her company.

I often hear this from a male perspective when a man notices, say, that his girlfriend has stopped wearing her sexy knickers. “Huh? Where did all these old, grey things materialise from?” he asks, lamenting those red sex-goddess numbers that seem to have disappeared.

Meanwhile, she's thinking how lovely and comfortable it feels not to have to holdin her stomach any more, or swan around in lingerie that looks lovely but doesn't feel so.

That is the crux of this matter about comfort. It's almost always an issue of opposites - what is comfortable for her isn't for him, and vice versa. Or it's about extremes - feeling relaxed in each other's company by kicking off your shoes and socks is one thing, but picking your toenails is quite another.

When talking about opposites and extremes, the key is compromise. In Nicola's case she didn't want to lose an apparently good thing in Mark over a few personal “blips”.

She took the “I'll make a light joke about this” approach and hoped he would get the message. When he next belched a garlicky burp while they relaxed on her sofa, she laughed about him “making a Frenchman proud”. Mark got the message and took it in good spirits, confirming that he was a good bet.

It's always worth taking the light-hearted route rather than making a fuss if your girlfriend doesn't look like she had stepped out of an Agent Provocateur catalogue ... she may be inclined to slip back into those sexy, comfortless things.

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