Miss Conceited

I went to the last of a long run of weddings at the weekend (14 in two years). On Sunday morning, I had a piece of chocolate wedding cake for breakfast, then a slice of the fruit cake layer for elevenses. For afternoon tea, I ate the most enormous cupcake, left over from the evening reception. Today I’ve eaten a piece of carrot cake and a mini lemon cake. I’m a size 10 and in my early thirties. Do I have a problem?

ZC, by e-mail

Yes. Watch out for a slap in the face. Nobody likes a show-off.

Men and breasts

Your comments on cleavage etiquette (Style, August 3) imply that women with big breasts have a great advantage over those with flat chests, like me, in manipulating men. Both my last two marriages have ended with my husbands running off with bimbos with bigger cups. How I can compete against the cleavage brigade?

MS, Melton Mowbray

Well, you certainly have first-hand experience of the boneheaded predictability of the male. You can fight back by displaying your legs: a stockinged thigh will certainly beat a plunging neckline for most men. If you fear they’re not up to it either, you’ll just have to develop a stunning sexual expertise (at least that can be personally satisfying as well). But you should also examine your taste in men, as you do unerringly seem to pick fantastically shallow neanderthals.

Dining rules

Is there a difference in dress code between a formal and an informal family dinner? Would a miniskirt or mid-thigh-length skirt be appropriate attire?

SS, by e-mail

It depends on age and, to some extent, gender. However, generally speaking, there is no difference: you can wear what you want, until the most senior family member objects, either verbally or physically (vomiting, heart attack and so on).

Sexual angst

I am a teenage boy just out of secondary school. Now that I am in the middle of my last summer of freedom, is it better to continue to be a hopelessly romantic prude, with a tendency to get hung up on particular girls who I know will never share the feelings I hold for them, or shall I simply give in to my instincts, give up on standards and inhibitions, and use my last few weeks to get some much-needed experience before university in the autumn?

JR, Hertfordshire

Do we prefer romantic idealists or experienced cynics? For years (well, until its recent smartening-up), there was some graffiti in the shelter at the south end of Aldeburgh beach that said: “I love Debbie because she is expereinced [sic]”. I always thought this was a minority view, though Debbie may certainly have been popular. (Incidentally, I love the idea of university representing a straitjacket on your free time. I still haven’t recovered from the shock of now actually having to turn up for work in July and August.)

Searching for love

I am sending this on behalf of my sister’s godfather. He is 45 years old and does not have a girlfriend. He has bushy eyebrows, long hair and a big nose. He does not fancy the girls who fancy him, and vice versa. He looks in the personals, but the women are either taken or German. He needs your help.

RS, London

He needs to stop reading German newspapers and find a barber.

Send problems to: Mrs Mills, The Sunday Times, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1ST, or mrs.mills@sunday-times.co.uk. No correspondence can be entered into

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