In case you missed it, Kate Moss has broken up with Jamie Hince, the guitarist in the Kills. This wouldn’t be particularly noteworthy were it not for a couple of significant details. One, Kate has been spotted crying (Kate doesn’t do public tears, so this suggests that she might actually want a relationship that lasts more than a fashion season). Two, she is alleged to have put together a "lust list" of potential new partners. I think you know what’s coming: the list reads like every music promoter’s dream and every mother’s nightmare. All of the names featured could be described as very bad boys (the most suitable is newly divorced Jackass star Johnny Knoxville), and every one of them would rather die than be caught smiling in a photograph.

We sympathise. Which of us hasn’t been carried away by the charms of a moody, thrill-seeking narcissist? But there comes a time when a woman has to put aside teenage habits, look around and think . . . Can I really do another Glastonbury, arm in arm with a spotty youth wearing three kinds of scarf and clutching a bottle of Jack Daniel’s, or could I do better? Fortunately, there is a formula for addressing the bad-boy rut. So, Kate, if you want to find the right man, just say no to the following:

* Music producers, presenters, members of bands, and so on. Yes, it’s fun to have a song written for you, but this lot are mainly in love with themselves (it just goes with the territory), and the lifestyle plays havoc with your skin.

* Actors. On the whole, they are insecure and high-maintenance. Ditto comedians. Johnny Depp was fab, admittedly, and probably your finest hour, but he is a one-off (and you wouldn’t have been up for the "boho French maman" role).

* Non-Brits. You need irony, silliness and a bit of decadence to keep you amused, all of which are in plentiful supply here, less so abroad. Yes, Knoxville is crazy, but in a macho, jock way.

* Models, obviously. At least you haven’t made that mistake yet.

* Men introduced to you by Marc Jacobs, or his boyfriend, or anyone in fashion. (It’s a rule that any man who hangs out on the fashion scene is either gay or only there for the girls — so dodgy. Though, at a push, a photographer could work.)

* Millionaire aristos. Money, yes; money and title, no. Inherited wealth is worse for the personality than drugs. That said, we can see you in a very big house in the country. (Anyone from Blur left unattached?)

* Civilians. Unfortunately, you need a bloke who is used to the limelight, up to a point, or he won’t be able to hack the attention that comes with being Mr Kate Moss. Find someone middle-division — worldly enough to get it, but not so starry he has his own paparazzi cloud. I’m thinking Jamie Oliver entry level.

* Anyone who hangs out with Rhys Ifans. Please. Standards.

* Sporting heroes. You as a Wag? Ha ha.

* Anyone younger than you. Give up the boys. Try a man — it could work!

Well, nobody said it was going to be easy.

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