UNDIPLOMATIC ENVOY

I’m shortly to visit Kuwait and took the liberty of writing to the British ambassador, whom I vaguely knew from a previous posting, in the expectation of cocktails and a nice dinner at the embassy. However, I started my letter with “Dear Richard” and have just realised that the ambassador’s name is Stuart. I’ve since had a terse message from his wife saying that they’re unexpectedly out of station. Is there any way of resurrecting the situation and restoring diplomatic relations?

I was rather relying on him to arrange a personal introduction to Prince Charles.

NR, South Wales

You have completely blown it. The only way of repairing the damage is to write a second letter expressing regret that they won’t be there, as you were hoping to introduce them to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, who were planning to visit the country with a view to picking up another bunch of children.

THE EX FACTOR

I recently got dumped by a boy, and was wondering, since he says he still likes me but just doesn’t have the time for me, what would be the best thing to do? Do I walk into college, head held high, loving life, looking absolutely fabulous, so he knows what he’s missing; or go into college very upset, making him feel at least 10 times worse for dumping me?

DH, by e-mail

He doesn’t really still like you; he’s just being nice.

BIKER WAR

My husband turned up with a second motorbike, although we are supposedly being careful with money. His new friends have ponytails (the men), tattoos and piercings and are not my cup of tea. He disappears, saying, “I won’t be long”, which means: “You won’t see me for hours — until I am exhausted, need feeding or want my underpants washed.” My Buddhism teacher says I should show compassion to all living beings, but I find this difficult and feel inclined towards revenge. Should I spend £10,000 on perfume, let our daughter starve at university and our house completely fall apart; donate £10,000 to charities; or be glad that he gets out of my life so often and maybe catch up on some “riding” of my own?

SS, by e-mail

When one’s husband develops an obsessive hobby, it is always wise to find a corresponding interest, both to fill the empty hours of his absence and as an escape route from the boring twerp he has become. Next time he announces he’s off to some weekend biker “meet” with his ponytailed chums, tell him you’ll be salsa-ing yourself into exhaustion with snake-hipped Rod and the rest of the guys at a charming out-of-season hotel in Brighton.

NAME AND SHAME

I am a 25-year-old woman called Eryl. Unfortunately, people do not seem to understand my rare Welsh name. When I am introduced, they tell me that it is a man’s name, spelt “Errol”, as if I must be mistaken about my own name. They ask if my parents wanted to have a boy or if they are Errol Flynn fans, then chuckle at their “funny” comment, as if it is the first time that I have heard such wit. I can’t understand why people would be this rude and I am sick of being polite. What do you suggest for an alternative response?

EL, Cheltenham

“Why did your parents name you Susan? Were they hoping for a girl?”

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Mrs Mills, The Sunday Times, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1ST, or mrs.mills@sundaytimes.co.uk.

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