Suzi Godson

Is that the sound of trumpets blowing? Ah yes, my own. If it's sex education you are looking for, I can't resist recommending The Sex Book by Suzi Godson because it is still probably the most comprehensive guide to the subject ever published. For raunch, try Sizzling Sex: The Sex Doctor's 250 Hottest Tips, Tricks and Techniques (J R Books £7.99), by Dr Pam Spurr, and if you are finding separation challenging, you might also want to have a look at Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide (JFMilne Publications, £8.41), by Dr Gregory Guldner.

Laura Corn's book, 52 Invitations to Grrreat Sex with Envelopes (£34.95) might give you some ideas too. It features perforated pages containing erotic invitations and matching envelopes. There are 25 red ones for you to send to your partner and 26 black ones for him to send to you. Secret Romance; 100 Ways To Say I Love You ( www.love honey.co.uk £8.99 ) is a cheaper version of the same idea.

When it comes to romantic gestures I'm very much from the Blue Peter school of communication. You can make a DIY version of these products with some card, envelopes and a dash of imagination.

Spritz a pack of Design Your Own Greetings Cards (www.whsmith.co.uk , £5.99) with your favourite scent and decorate them with lipstick kisses, glitter, collages of roses from the David Austin catalogue (www.davidaustinroses.com ), photographs of you looking sultry, your empty bed with your most exotic lingerie strewn across it ... you get the picture. Count days left until you see your lover again and think of a corresponding number of exciting sexy treats. Write one on each card, seal it in an envelope and then put all the cards in a box and give it to him.

If you are really feeling crafty, decorate the box with a collage of images and paint the whole thing in Windsor and Newton gloss or satin artist's varnish. On the inside of the box you could stick a photo of you posing naked so that when he lifts out the last card you are lying there, waiting for him.

Alternatively, you could translate the sexy promises idea into a secret advent calendar. There is a basic guide to home-made advent calendars at www.sparklebox.co.uk . Be warned though, companies such as Boots that offer online print services still vet the images they print for obscenity, so if you are planning on anything particularly racy, print it out at home.

Not the arty type? Log on to www.hoochymail.com , a free online service that allows couples to e-mail each other customised fantasies. Enter your own and your lover's personal details - hair colour, favourite food, etc - choose from a selection of pre-written stories such as “wash and hot wax” or “let's have a midnight snack”, give your story a mild or X-rated status and the programme puts it all together and e-mails it to your lover. To make your own personalised version, choose your favourite piece of erotic fiction, cast you and your lover in the leading roles, record yourself reading it and send it to your him as a bedtime story.

Suzi Godson is the author of The Sex Book (Cassell, £16.99) and The Body Bible (Penguin, £16.99)

Dr Thomas Stuttaford

It would have been interesting to know what your lover's job is. Is he kept away from you by a wife and children, service to Queen and country, or by building dams or making business deals in faraway lands?

Although living with a husband, wife or lover for only two out of every six weeks seems bizarre, a couple of generations ago this would have been good home leave for tens of thousands of families who were regularly separated by their work. Even a generation ago junior hospital doctors went home only for one night in 14. As recently as the time of the Duchess of York's marriage she is reported to have said that inevitable separations resulting from naval life had imposed an almost impossible strain on their marriage.

Initially, I read your letter and supposed that this was a case in which a relationship was being kept alive by fantasy. Your relationship would have been similar to those Victorian and Edwardian writers and musicians who had deep emotional affairs, but only at a distance and by post.

When I read your question more carefully it was obvious that you are together for long enough to generate a host of exciting moments. A lively fantasy wouldn't be necessary to keep the romance alive in your partnership, only a good memory.

It is important that all the recollections of your relatively restricted time together should be happy ones. A tall order, and one that needs careful thought.

Many years ago, research demonstrated that one of the most stressful life events was when a man (it was usually a man) who regularly went away returned to his household. The woman, and children were so independent that his opinions and wishes were superfluous. The home team didn't understand that when they were all together decisions had to be shared. The partner left at home may have remained dependent on his pay cheque, but she wasn't used to having to do his dirty washing, share the TV and the bed.

Fantasise as much as you like about your sex life, but don't allow these fantasies to run riot so that expectations are over-inflated. This is almost as sure a recipe for disappointment as having too high expectations for family Christmas reunions. The same study showed that one of the factors that was likely to lead to stress was that the partner left at home tended to store up problems that bubbled to the surface the moment a weary traveller returned. No sooner was he over the threshold than he was confronted with worries about blocked gutters, ailing cats, minor ailments, noisy neighbours, etc. None of these troubles makes a good start to a romantic 14 days and all could wait until a more opportune moment for discussion arises.

Good sex always needs good chemistry. If this is present, you will both know each other's preferences and quirks; all you need to do is to pander to his sexual tastes, provided they are not extreme, and stifle your own inclinations for a day or two.

Vary your routine so that he doesn't feel that he is working through the same menu each visit. You will need all the usual props, such as correct lighting, candles, massage oil, patience and, of course, Suzi Godson's The Sex Book.

Dr Thomas Stuttaford, the Times doctor, spent many years working in a genitourinary clinic

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