It was 5am and I was wide awake. I had spent the past three hours being woken every time my partner thrashed around in bed or decided to do an impression of a freight train in my ear. Like many other nights, I had had enough. I stomped out of the bedroom and curled up on the sofa.

I’m not alone. In a recent survey, the Sleep Council, in Skipton, North Yorkshire, found that one in four people regularly retreats to a spare room or a sofa for a good night’s kip, and that 7 per cent of couples already have separate beds. Nearly half of those taking part in the survey — two thirds of them women — said that their sleep was disturbed by their partners’ bedtime habits. Which just goes to tell us what most women have known for a long time: women sleep significantly better alone. And it makes sense. Evolutionary psychologists believe that women are programmed to be lighter sleepers, something to do with being constantly on the alert for waking babies, whether we have one or not. And men are more likely to snore.

Sleep is one of the most fundamental parts of life, without which we are incapable of functioning on any meaningful level. Yet one in five of us is complaining that we are not getting enough shut-eye because of noisy, twitchy partners. Research from the Sleep Council suggests that being constantly woken up by a restless partner can seriously disrupt the sleep cycle. In studies of people sleeping with bad bed partners, it has been reported that they woke up at least six to eight times, which can amount to losing more than an hour’s sleep.

And less sleep doesn’t only mean irritability, difficulty concentrating and increased stress, which can affect relationships, performance at work and our wellbeing. Research from the Common Cold Centre, at the University of Cardiff, indicates that sleep and the immune system are also closely linked. Lack of good sleep disturbs the regulation of key chemicals that fight infection.

During the night we go through several sleep phases and scientists believe that much of the body’s regenerative work happens during “slow-wave sleep”. Being jolted out of restorative deep sleep again and again can lead to health problems. Studies suggest that a sleep deficit may put the body into a state of high alert, increasing the production of stress hormones and driving up blood pressure, a big risk factor for heart attacks and strokes. So what is the answer? Should we carry on sharing beds at the risk of feeling groggy and getting ill, for the sake of convention and the fear of upsetting our partner?

“Historically, we were never meant to sleep in the same bed; it’s an offshoot of romantic love,” says Dr Neil Stanley, a sleep expert at the University of Surrey. “Sharing a bed with someone who snores or fights for the duvet disturbs your sleep, and there is no shame in having separate beds.”

I agree. My decision to sleep on my own has not hurt my romantic life. While boyfriends initially feel somewhat cheated when they wake up hugging a pillow, they eventually see the benefits of having a happy, more relaxed girlfriend. And the trend for solo sleeping is growing.

There are mixed feelings about whether taking the duvet into the spare room is good or bad for a relationship. Studies suggest that if you have shared a bed with your partner for a long time, you will miss him or her if you sleep on your own and that, in turn, will disturb your sleep. And there are a lot of men who feel that retreating from the conjugal bed is a sign that their partner’s affection is waning. There are also a lot people who find that the comfort of waking up in the night with their partner next to them far outweighs any tossing and turning.

So, what can you do if you want a good night’s sleep without decamping to the living room? One of the most important things is to make sure that you’re sleeping on the right bed. A study by Dr Chris Idzikowski, the director of the Edinburgh Sleep Centre, has found that swapping an uncomfortable old bed for a comfortable new one could account for an average of 42 minutes’ extra sleep.

If the problem is snoring, try wearing earplugs, although these are not always effective against the noisiest snorers. The British Snoring and Sleep Apnoea Association (www.britishsnoring.co.uk) is an invaluable resource for advice and treatment. Visit your GP to rule out any underlying health problems, and if all else fails, surgery (offered privately and on the NHS) can help.

If you find it difficult to get comfortable in bed, there are things that can help. Partner duvets, for example, where each half of the duvet has a different tog level, are useful if one of you feels too hot or cold. Alternatively, try a “breathable” duvet, which contains 80 per cent feather down with a cotton cover and helps to maintain an even temperature. Twin mattresses, which are part of the same bed, help if you need different levels of hardness.

And, of course, there are always separate beds. But if you do have to sleep in another room, start the night off in the same bed so that you can kiss and cuddle before going off to a good night’s sleep.

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