Q I’m 44 and haven’t had a significant relationship since splitting up with my fiancé at the age of 38. Over the past few years I have become adept at fighting loneliness; I run a successful business and have plenty of friends, but occasionally the need for a boyfriend overwhelms me. Though I’ve met several men I’ve liked, none shows any real interest . I meet men through work, but they tend to see me as a mate rather than a potential lover. Where am I going wrong?

A First, it’s important that you don’t become over-anxious; we can all empathise. There is clearly something about how you behave towards men you like that suppresses the real you. It’s probably a mixture of shyness and self-effacement.

At 44, you should have learnt a few tricks to get over these, but your aversion techniques are in danger of embedding themselves permanently.

To move forward, you need to get out of your comfort zone. Start by giving yourself a makeover. Changing our cosmetic appearance is a remarkably effective way of garnering fresh attitudes — from others as well as yourself. Go for a radical haircut and colour at a leading salon, somewhere different from where you normally go. Then seek advice from a personal stylist at an upmarket department store.

Look at your fitness levels and make one dramatic change to your routine. When you’ve done all of the above, you’ll feel different enough to project a slightly new version of yourself.

Study other singletons’ techniques when you’re out, as well as learning to listen and watch for signals when chatting to a man you like. You could even ask one of the men you mention for his perspective. Think of your business skills and success, and adopt a similarly strategic approach to relationships. Remember, everyone feels vulnerable during the early stages of attraction, but love rewards the brave.

Do you have a problem for our panellists? E-mail weekend@thetimes.co.uk

Times recommends

• What took place in 2010...
• Can you really cure a hangover?
• Video: How to do glamorous smoky eyes