Things you only know if you're single…that being 14 can strike at any age.

We all know the theory about one’s teenage years: too much reliance on the reptilian coping brain leading to rather too instinctive reactions regarding boy bands and the old fight-or-flight mechanism. The teen lizard brain can be held accountable for easily triggered attack response, fear, revenge, reproductive instinct, tribalism and territorial behaviour, plus the feeling that Miley Cyrus, like, totally understands us. And, yet, as any singleteer who has reached their majority can tell you, it’s not the teenageriness of being a teenager that makes one behave like this. No, it’s the stress of being single and finding oneself at large in a social situation. Being 14 can strike at any age.

A correspondent writes: “I am 45 and fairly reserved. Last Saturday night, I was so nervous at encountering a chap I harbour feelings for that I got hammered, tore my stocking, bitch-slapped my best friend and ended up kissing someone else. Had said ally not escorted me home, I would surely have woken up with a tattoo. It felt like an episode of Gossip Girl.”

Another, recently emerged from long-term cohabitation, remarks: “I’m the original gay wallflower. I’ve forgotten the nuances of single behaviour – how to do banter, work a room, flirt in a manner that stops short of an ASBO. I’m so tense even my acne is staging a return.”

Behold, the single-adult lizard brain can be held accountable for easily provoked attack response, fear, revenge, reproductive instinct, tribalism and territorial behaviour, plus the feeling that Jennifer Aniston, like, totally understands us.

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