Ever find yourself or your partner over-analysing your relationship? My friend, Alicia, 42, who is a counsellor, tended to over-analyse everything about her relationship. Her live-in partner, Nicolas, 46, a solicitor, not surprisingly, eventually grew tired of it.

Alicia realised that she had this tendency but found it impossible to resist. At the risk of sounding sexist, I find that it’s a trait more common in women (even if they’re not counsellors). We analyse every detail and it’s very frustrating for men, who often take a why-analyse-something-if-it-isn’t-broke point of view.

Once Alicia started down the path of examining why Nicolas said something, or why he forgot something, she couldn’t stop. She wanted the answer! Nicolas felt that she wasn't leaving her work at the door, as he managed to do. He has a point because, although all couples need to analyse some aspects of their relationships, if you pick apart the detail, you might pick apart the goodwill of your partner.

Alicia needed to undergo some self-analysis. Was she always like this or was it some way of “getting at” Nicolas? Maybe he really did need drawing out and so she tried constantly? It took real honesty to face up to insecurities on her part — much of it to do with her mid-life issues. She realised that analysing certain details to get at what Nicolas was thinking or feeling wasn’t the best way to become more secure. This led to an open dialogue about the couple being more demonstrative and openly loving with each other.

Nicolas agreed that this was much more pleasurable than having things picked apart.

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