ALL ACADEMIC

My son is about to graduate from Liverpool University, and my husband and I are attending the graduation ceremony. What do I wear? I do not own any dresses or skirts except my maternity dresses (kept for sentimental reasons). I think these are a little inappropriate for such an occasion, especially in Liverpool. Have you any ideas?

MJ, Aberystwyth

Dressing for special occasions is so often about fitting in with everyone else and feeling comfortable, so the answer is simple: hire some academic robes. Loads of other people will be wearing them, so nobody will take the slightest notice. The voluminous black gown means you can wear whatever you like underneath; if it is really hot, go naked (I usually do). If you want to send out a subtle signal, get a hood lined with white silk: not only does it say “classical elegance” (think Chanel),it also says “MA Cantabrigiensis”, which will give those Liverpool types something to think about.

CHANSONS D’AMOUR

My partner and I have wildly differing tastes in music. He likes songs to slit your wrists to, and I like happy house tunes. When driving, we have enormous arguments about what to listen to. This problem has escalated so that we now either sit in silence or listen to Radio 4, as it seems to have a calming influence on both of us. My worry is that in a couple of weeks we will be driving to the Dordogne, which means almost 12 hours of sitting in our vehicle, and I’m not sure if we can get Radio 4 in France. Any suggestions?

LL, Leigh-on-Sea, Essex

Don’t take any CDs (or tapes if you have an old car) with you, so you will have to rely solely on the radio. After being exposed to French broadcasting for that length of time, you will both realise that however appalling you think the other’s musical taste is, nothing in the world is as bad as Gallic pop.

GOOD INVESTMENT

Last week I met with an investor in his offices to talk about his investing in my small company. I was introduced through a mutual friend, but after meeting him, I have developed a crush on him. I made a good impact at the meeting. He is wealthy, good-looking, about 15 years older than me, but obviously moving in different circles. How do I make my intentions known without ruining the deal or making him think I am just after his money?

PK, by e-mail

You are after his money. He’s considering whether to give it to you, and now you are going to offer to throw your body in as well. What’s the problem?

FERTILE FRIEND

A female friend in her mid-thirties sent me an e-mail saying: “I’m pregnant!!!” Should I reply “Hurrah” or “Whoops”, as I don’t know whether to offer congratulations or sympathy?

DT, Penn, Bucks

Those three exclamation marks suggest that she might have something else on her mind other then simply spreading the news. Therefore, the correct response is “It wasn’t me”, so that you can be eliminated from her inquiries.

MEDICAL OVERATTENTION

What should a 34-year-old woman who kissed her doctor on the lips for more than 20 seconds while he was attending to her stiff knee from a charity run do?

Margo, by e-mail

Try him on groin strain.

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