While many brides bounce back from the post-wedding anticlimax, for some, feelings of anxiety and depression can set in. Sandra, 40, recalls tearful arguments as she and her husband struggled to settle into married life. “It was a torrid first few months. I moved into my husband’s house and I just didn’t like it. I remember he carried me over the threshold and I just burst into tears. We were both quite independent and I felt he was trying to impose an order. Suddenly everything from the colour of the curtains to what you have for dinner has to be a joint decision.

“I realised I was going to have to get a grip. We got through it, and we’ve had a cracking four years since.”

Sharon Naylor, author of Home From the Honeymoon, says the first year of marriage is often the hardest. “It’s a common phenomenon for both the bride and groom to experience a malaise or ‘flatness’ that, if left unchecked, can spiral into a true depression of sadness, lethargy, hopelessness, sleeplessness and other negative effects.”

She offers the following tips for surviving these difficult months.

Problem: The romance is gone Solution: Plan regular date nights, perhaps dinner out every Friday night, or — if your budget is stretched due to post-wedding bills — a romantic night-time walk holding hands. When you know you have a standing date on Friday, you feel like a priority.

Problem: You’re doing all the housework Solution: Establish upfront that all domestic chores are shared. Don’t stay quiet, simmer and then explode when you make the mistake of taking everything on just to keep the peace.

Problem: Not having your own funds Solution: Great partnerships include sharing financial responsibilities, but keep your own bank account for discretionary spending to protect your marriage from the destructive effects of one partner controlling the money.

Problem: You’ve become attached at the hip Solution: Agree that regular nights out with your friends is perfectly fine. Having your own life keeps away boredom, makes you exciting to each other, and reminds you of the fun person you married.

Problem: Your single friends don’t ask you to come out any more Solution: Call them and say you miss them, and you’d love to join them on their next girls’ night out. That will lift your spirits and remind you that some things haven't changed.

Chloe Lambert

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