CASUAL ENCOUNTERS

As a junior academic in a university, I often encounter a tricky situation. This arises, when, at a department function or just wandering the corridors, I engage others or am engaged by them in conversation. This is all rather pleasant; the problem arises when I want to escape, but without offending my interlocutor. How can I tactfully make my getaway?
ST, Oxbridge

Most of us find “Well, nice to see you, but…” then a plausible explanation usually works. For example, “Must dash — lecture hall awaits.” With persistent people who still won’t let you get away, refer to bodily functions: “Must dash, last night’s curry is about to reappear.” However, I fear all this is in vain; you are obviously a limply pathetic type, or you wouldn’t be in this mess. Either take an assertiveness course or start wearing a rubber mask in public, so that people avoid talking to you (not because they fail to recognise you, but because they think you are upsettingly odd).

VEILED THREAT

I’m a Muslim, originally from Iran, living in Croydon. To fit in, I’ve decided to stop wearing my veil. The problem is, my new British boyfriend seems to prefer me in it. I am worried, as we are planning on marrying next year and I don't want to go through with it if he only wants me in my veil. What can I do?
SB, Croydon

You could move to Tower Hamlets, where veil-wearing would fit in seamlessly. Alternatively, establish just what it is your boyfriend likes about the veil and you might find that you only have to wear it in the bedroom. Otherwise, find a more forward-thinking model.

JOB SEEKER

I’m a university student back for the summer. I don’t suppose you fancy an apprentice? Apart from the fact that I have made my mother send me Style for the past year solely for the back page, you are infinitely more attractive a prospect than a job at Pizza Express or, worse, McDonald’s.
Alice, Bucks

I had a young assistant once. She was so traumatised by the experience that I cannot bear to repeat it.

FAMILY WAY

My cousin is 27 and is a real mummy’s boy. He once got into a sulk because I did not invite him for a shopping trip to London. I find him boring, painful to talk to and annoying. A while ago, I was wrongly blamed for upsetting him. My grandmother told me he wanted to start talking to me again, but was afraid to contact me. What do you think I should do?
HS, Dorset

There is no problem. Unless you live in a backward part of Dorset, where the entire extended family shares a bedroom (with the sheep in the winter), you don’t have to have anything to do with your cousin ever again.

MARRIED BLISS

I am a 29-year-old virgin from a deeply religious family. I love women and I am keen to play the field. What do you recommend?RK, Co Armagh

Polygamy.

Send problems to: Mrs Mills, The Sunday Times, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1ST, or mrs.mills@sunday-times.co.uk. No correspondence can be entered into

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