Things you only know if you're single…that “I love you” may mean: I want to love you; I love this; do that again; don’t leave; I feel I should love you; I love ****ing you; my previous boyfriend/girlfriend would never have done that; I’m sorry; I appear to like you more than all the others; shush; do what I want; you are infuriating; this silence embarrasses me; I have to go; I feel old; I feel responsible; I feel obliged to love you back; help me; I’m ending this; life without you may be preferable, but would be terrifying, rudderless, unknown; everyone else seems to love you; I love the look of you; stop shouting; I’m punching above my weight; I would appear to be in some way addicted to you; seeing you with someone else makes my chest hurt; there must be a reason why I have never felt more awful; I think about you as a way of not thinking about something else; I hate you; that song is playing; you cause me more pain than other people; I’m tired of being on my own; it’s comfortable having you around; I am sick of everyone else coming in two by two; you fit the definition of someone I might be expected to love; you appear to love me; I’m exhausted so this will suffice; loving someone makes me look like a functional human being; you make things easier while not yet having become an albatross about my neck; I’m tired of myself; Christmas/Chanukkah/Kwanzaa is coming up; I love myself in your company; you pay me the requisite attention; I relish our sense of conspiracy; you are a(nother) glorious and necessary distraction from my inglorious and unnecessary existence; you unnerve me; you raise my game; say that you love me.

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