I’m about to get married, and my only brother has decided that he doesn’t want to attend, as he doesn’t speak to our father. Should I persist in trying to change his mind?

Is the rift between your brother and father a long-standing, profound one?

They haven’t spoken to each other for two years. The conflict goes back all the way to when Dad left when my brother was only a few weeks old.

Have you asked him to broach the subject with your father?

As far as he is concerned, the relationship is over and he has no desire to renew any contact. He says the situation would be impossibly awkward for him, and that I am selfish for having asked my father to the wedding.

I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. At my first wedding, my mother gave me an ultimatum: if I invited my father to my wedding, she wouldn’t attend. I was too scared to stand up to her. My father died five years later and it’s something I have always regretted. Have you impressed upon your brother that this is your day?

Unfortunately, my brother is always the star of the show; he doesn’t have the capacity fully to understand anyone else’s feelings. He is, ironically, very similar to his father, and therein lies the problem.

If you left things for a while and accepted your brother’s decision, there is a chance he might come around.

Okay. I will express to him how he has made me feel, then give him a breather and hope he makes the right decision. If he still decides not to come, at least I’ll have done what I can to change his mind.

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