Q I have been on a few dates with a very good-looking man. I like him a lot, but so do other women and I am constantly in competition with them when we go out. Recently, at a club, a woman he had never met lay down over him and buried her face in his crotch. On this occasion he shooed her away, but he is a bit of a flirt and, though I enjoy his company and fancy him madly, I am finding it rather tiring. Should I fight or flee?

Sophia, 26

A The clue lies in the words “on this occasion”. If this rake adopts dating etiquette that indulges random attention to his nether regions, then I am pretty certain he will never be the solicitous partner you desire.

I am alarmed at your wallflower stance while observing his licentious behaviour. I wonder how your sense of self has evaporated so drastically that you would tolerate such a selfish display — not to mention his sheer rudeness. You seem so overly flattered to be invited out by the good-looking bounder that you appear to have forgotten your own worth and dignity. It is possible that your date is even trying to provoke some sort of sexual jealousy as a means of testing your interest in him. In that case even he must wonder at your lack of reaction.

Respect is a simple equation: if you don’t expect it, you’re not shown it. Ask yourself why anyone would date someone with such a poor self-image. If you pursue this relationship your self-esteem will be eroded further. His roving eye will breed insecurity and suspicion within you. Get out before it’s too late.

Think about the qualities you look for in a partner — generosity, kindness and warmth are good for starters — and compare these with your own. The next time you meet a man that you find attractive, try to project your new-found self-awareness. A man worth having will spend time trying to impress you.

Times recommends

• What took place in 2010...
• Can you really cure a hangover?
• Video: How to do glamorous smoky eyes