It is outrageous to champion this 'poor man''s right to look at pornography if it is hurting his wife and attacking her self-confidence. A single man may do whatever he wishes and look at whatever he wants but when you are in a relationship you have an obligation to the other person and cannot do whatever you regardless of their feelings. If this lady is upset by the porn she should not give him 'permission' to watch. Instead, this man should have more respect for his wife's feelings and give up a stupid habit which is totally unnecessary and, at present, only causing problems in his relationship.

Simon, Cambridge, UK

At age 65 the poor man is old enough to make decisions about what he wants to view. For his wife to give him "permission' to watch it - that is sick. If she doesn't like it then she does not have to watch it. We all still have free will - don't we? And what does being a 'Christian' have to do with it? He still has a male brain - even science backs up that men are more visual than woman. Watching porn doesn't make him a bad man,or twisted and it doesn't make him any less Christian. It does define the subtle differences between the sexes and instead of trying to shame him into not watching just let him watch it - he isn't hurting a soul. Because his wife doesn't like erotica, porn, spicy moveis then he can't enjoy them either? He seems to watch them in the wee hours so it won't offend his wife. Seems like a lot of bluster over nothing. Move on, get over it.

Bobbie Crum, London,

Isabel is right to feel shocked and upset. Speaking as a thirty-one year old man, I'd say I don't think women have any idea quite what goes on inside a man's head. It's pretty unpleasant. It's impressive you've got this far in your marriage before realising how twisted men really are. (Women are too! But in different ways...)

Our society has, sadly, embraced pornography as a legimate form of expression. It's a shame. It's extrememly corrosive and hurtful - and ultimately it's a lie. It's central claim is that you can have sex with as many people as you like without consequence. This is obviously not true, but it's now a popular myth. Sex has consequences - even your husband's sexual fantasies have consequences. You're very hurt. And you are right to be.

What to do? Tell him how you feel and explain you'd like him to stop watching these films. If he's a Christian (is he?), he'll know Jesus's standards on adultery. Looking at a woman lustfully is wrong. And I think we can see why...

James, Shepherd's Bush, UK

My partner watches porn most mornings while eating his Frosties. What's the big deal? I think it's a healthy thing to do - and certainly keeps a man's interest up to date with ideas and innovations. Maybe women who feel threatened by porn are simply worried about their own inadequacies in the sex department. I love the fact that my man has such a healthy appetite!

Kirsten Espensen, Reading, UK

I wouldnt worry about it too much Isabel, I'd say that most men with sexual needs will watch an erotic/pornographic film given the opportunity and some privacy. It doesnt mean that he doesnt love you and at least he is not fullfilling his needs by having an affair or visiting prostitutes. I know my man often watches the same when I have gone to bed, at least he lets me get a good night sleep! And if he does make a comment about a young beautiful woman, I tell him he should ring her up and ask her out and see what she says! He hasnt done so. He loves me more. Just relax with it, let him be. He isnt doing anyone any harm, and he is in his home, safe and with you.

Anna, Newbury, Berkshire

I wouldnt worry about it too much Isabel, I'd say that most men with sexual needs will watch an erotic/pornographic film given the opportunity and some privacy. It doesnt mean that he doesnt love you and at least he is not fullfilling his needs by having an affair or visiting prostitutes. I know my man often watches the same when I have gone to bed, at least he lets me get a good night sleep! And if he does make a comment about a young beautiful woman, I tell him he should ring her up and ask her out and see what she says! He hasnt done so. He loves me more. Just relax with it, let him be. He isnt doing anyone any harm, and he is in his home, safe and with you. x

Anna, Newbury, Berkshire