Sports Calendar

I’ve done Slim-Fast, liver detox and fasting. I’ve had kinesiology. I’ve had my blood examined for allergies, only to discover I’m allergic to haddock, and I don’t like haddock anyway. I’ve had the Zone diet delivered to my door every day for two months, only to eat the perfectly proportioned food as snacks between meals. I went to famous (and not so famous) dieticians and nutritionists.

I bought Gillian McKeith. I went up to Carol Vorderman at a do and said, “Thank you for your detox, Carol; I feel great” — before tucking into pudding.

I had a happy childhood, but I remember one particular ballet class. The Gaston-Payne Dance School wasn’t called the ghastly pain school for nothing. One day, when I was 10, I was doing my bit in class when the owner’s daughter said, in front of everyone, “Neris Thomas, do you eat lots of cakes? Because it looks like you do. If you don’t stop, you are going to look like the back of a bus.”

I do remember the boys at the back of the bus on the way home from school who would sing “Neris the elephant packed her trunk” whenever I walked on. Luckily, I had my parents at home telling me to rise above it.

By the time school finished, I was still what could be described as an average size: not skinny-minny, but not too big, either. It wasn’t until university that things changed. In the first year away from home, I gained a lot of weight. I started to eat chocolate, and the bars just seemed to get bigger and bigger. And, of course, so did I.

I moved to London and started work in the film industry. It was all so exciting — film sets, late nights and gorgeous actors. But the set catering, parties and expense-account meals weren’t ideal for the waistline.

Then I met Richard, the man of my dreams. Over the years I’ve been with him, my husband has made me feel amazing. But once, while I was moaning about my clothes not fitting, he warned me that — at 17 stone — even though I was the love of his life and he loved me completely, if I put on a lot more weight, he might stop finding me attractive. He still thought I was the most beautiful girl, but he was just being honest. His harsh words made me so angry, I wanted to hit him. I thought he loved me. I thought love was blind. I was confused. And he had hit a nerve.

Then we had our beautiful, precious daughter. But our lives were taken over by her being extremely ill. We spent a month living in intensive care, and all I can remember is going to the vending machine and eating chocolate. When, weeks later, we emerged from the hospital, I weighed just less than 18 stone. I ate and ate, but we were home and that was all that mattered.

By the time my baby was a year old, my husband had an exciting new job. Having always been a sociable person, I found myself making excuses to get out of meeting his new colleagues, because my overwhelming feeling was that I was a bit embarrassing for him. I wanted people to see him and think he was great, and if they saw me, they would think less of him.

Losing my oomph was the thing that made me really think. That hadn’t happened before. Finally, the time had arrived to sort my weight out once and for all. Never to go back. I promise.

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