Answering black

Further misadventures with black lipstick. If you are a regular reader, you may remember my story of wearing a Shu Uemura black lipstick a few weeks ago. Subsequent to that, the lipstick journeyed all the way to the studios of LK Today, on GMTV, where I was doing a little slot on my best beauty buys for 2007. All seemed very mundane, no comment on the lips, until the cameraman politely asked whether my lipstick was green or black. Black, I replied, and forgot all about it.

Some weeks later, my snippet was aired. Lorraine, it seemed, was horrified by my black lipstick, and called it scary. As if to prove it, a horrid picture of me looking none too attractive flashed up on screen (I am not photogenic). It made me think of those 1960s proto-punks, the situationists, who talked of adding anarchy to everyday life: “It must be part of a conscious project, undertaken amid blatantly repressive conditions — and undertaken to wreck them.”

Did my black lipstick wreck, or at least momentarily disrupt, the cosy, homely, chatty, unintimidating comfort television of LK Today? I don’t know, but a couple of London-based papers picked up on the story, with accusatory headlines such as “And you say you’re a beauty expert” (er, yes, I’ve been doing beauty for 11 years) and the aforementioned picture. “Beauty expert?” they raged in horror, with “dyed red hair” and “gothic black lips”, like 17th-century puritans railing against the painting of women’s faces. Well, yes, it’s true. I am not some tasteful beauty doyenne with honey-blonde highlights, glowing caramel skin and tasteful natural make-up. For me, that would be a kind of death. My project, both personally and professionally, is to challenge the homogeneity prevalent in popular culture and to deify difference, experimentation and eccentricity. Surprisingly, all these years after the cultural subversion of punk, it is still possible to shock and offend with even the smallest increments of difference. I feel — especially this season, with its Pantone pluralism — that further adventures with blue, yellow and green lipstick beckon.

Talon show

There’s no denying that hot pink is the current trend for nails — and they don’t come much hotter or pinker than Pop Nail Glam in Pinkest. £6; www.popbeauty. co.uk

Salt of the earth

Linden Leaves Bath Bags infuse your bath with an evocative scent and reviving minerals — and because they come in a bag, you won’t end up sitting on any nasty bumps. £4; www. lindenleaves.com

When in foam

Timothy Han’s new shower gels get green points for being carbon-neutral and bursting with fragrant essential oils. Unlike many natural washes, however, they also produce a pleasing gentle lather.£12; www.timothyhan.com

Isn't it ionic?

This paddle brush, from the Big Brush Company, produces ions that charge your hair, preventing static build-up. The result: a smooth, sleek finish. Apparently, the ions also help to reduce drying time — how convenient. £19.95; www.thebigbrushco.com

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