The whole dream was quite strange, as I was aware, like it was real, like you were really touching me. I could see the sea out of the window, it was strange and dark, with a heavy black mist. At first, I was quite afraid, but you told me not to be. Being afraid of love is a terrible thing. I have been so hurt and destroyed in the past that now I find it so hard to let go.

How many times can a person’s heart be broken? I went to a hypnotist once to stop being in love, or what I thought was love. I ended up in floods of tears. I had to imagine my heart, I imagined it as rolling green hills, somewhere slightly desolate, and I realised I was truly alone. That my problem wasn’t being in love but that it was the fact that I was afraid to love. You made me feel different, if only for a moment, and I thank you for that.

I once saw a programme on television called Voices from the Dead. They set up really high-tech recording equipment and you could actually hear the words of people who lived in another world. Do you believe in a destiny of souls?

Last week, I was in Italy, in the country, surrounded by giant fir trees, and I imagined that you and I could go on a trip. Walking through the forests and the woods, with a map and compass for our guide. At night we would make a little camp, we would light a fire and listen to the wolves howl. I have always been afraid of trees, but with you there seems nothing to be afraid of. I imagine you picking me up and keeping me strong. I want to make love with you again.

September 12, 1833 I haven’t heard from you and it is driving me insane. My whole body is craving to be with you. Last week I spent the day by the sea, walking along the cliffs, and I could see you everywhere. Everywhere in nature, you are my sun, my sea, the clouds and the sky. I want to touch you.

November 6, 1833 You’re not a million miles away, but it feels like you are. You just cut off, you just let go, I thought we had something special.

December 19, 1833 Sorry to hear about the accident. Thank God you are okay. The mountains can be treacherous at this time of year. Luckily you had your dog with you.

January 1, 1834 New Year’s Eve last night. I went to bed early, dreaming of you.

February, 1834 I had just come to terms with the fact that you are like every other man, so happy to be proved wrong.

February 14, 1834 I love you, I love you, I love you. It is Valentine’s and everyone seems to be in love.

April 4, 1834 I would love to have breakfast with you, I would like to wake up kissing you.

July 13, 1834 You put your hand across my mouth, still the noise continues. Every part of my body is screaming. I am lost. About to be smashed into a thousand million pieces each part for ever belonging to you. When my soul is crying and I am alone, everything I have been is of no importance and everything I can be is unimportant and I’m turning myself inside out, screaming, wishing to God that just part of me felt alive for you.

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