Smash hit

Having Samuel, we assumed our luck had changed. However, a scan revealed I had lost my fifth baby by 12 weeks. It hit Aydin and me tremendously hard. I told him to find someone else who could give him a baby easily. We weren’t supposed to be going through this again. However, we had to stay strong for Samuel. The desperation to fight back kicked in soon. Within months, I was pregnant again. At 24 weeks, my consultant had concerns about the position of the placenta and the fluid surrounding the baby. I listened in disbelief. At least we had Samuel to recharge our batteries, although he also made us realise what we could lose again.

The concerns mounted week by week, so my baby was delivered by emergency caesarean nine weeks premature. I was frightened when I saw her. Jessie was tiny — her lowest weight was 2lb 10, and my husband’s wedding ring fitted her wrist. I didn’t want to go near her as she was so fragile, in an incubator, with tubes sticking out of her, surrounded by machinery. All these people were supporting her life — I felt I couldn’t be expected to look after such a vulnerable baby.

When Jessie came home after four weeks in hospital, I found it hard to get attached. She frightened me. I couldn’t afford to let my love out, as she might get taken from me, too. I became very depressed. She wasn’t a great sleeper, and I began to think she didn’t like me, but would also feel cruel because she was desperate for me. I was probably suffering from postnatal depression, which I think was predictable, having gone through such trauma. Once her sleeping and feeding became easier, things began to improve.

Samuel is now two years and eight months, and Jessie 18 months. Since there has been no apparent medical reason for my unsuccessful pregnancies, we haven’t ruled out trying for another baby. The heartache has been worth it to see the smiles on my children’s faces, but we are paranoid parents. I still get up in the night and look to make sure they are there. Aydin even wakes them up to check they are okay. I just couldn’t go through losing them too.

Monica Corrina-Kavalki talked to Sarah Smith. For information and support, visit www.tommys.org

AN EXPERT'S VIEW

A woman’s response to her body after miscarriage varies. Primarily her feelings will be either guilt — “I shouldn’t have been working/holidaying/at that party”, or a sense of failure. As a clinician, the question I am always asked is, “There’s something wrong with me, isn’t there?” It is my job to look at the things that could be wrong and test for them.

To reduce the risk of miscarriage, eat sensibly, be as fit as possible, avoid smoking, ensure a sensible body mass index and avoid exposure to infection. Many conditions can be helped: thrombophilia can be treated with aspirin and heparin; polycystic ovarian disease can be treated with progestogens; and the use of steroids for auto-immune causes is being researched. Genetic causes can be addressed with education and a formulated management plan.

For those in whom we can’t find a cause, we have to reiterate that fact continually, and provide as much reassurance as possible. Scanning is the key.

Women should expect everything from their local hospital. There should be a team to deal with all aspects of miscarriage: the event itself, sensitive employment of investigations and the TLC they may require in subsequent pregnancies. Ideally, there should be a bereavement suite where women can deliver away from the noise of crying babies.

Mr Kent Ayers, generalist in O&G at East Sussex Hospital Trust

Times recommends

• How I lost the gift of joy for a while
• How to get Coleen Rooney's post-baby body
• The A-Z of winter style rules