What Are Your Gut Reactions to People?

1. You feel surrounded by incompetent idiots — and you can’t help letting them know the truth every now and then.

2. You were a nice person until you started working with the current bunch of creeps.

3. You don’t trust the people around you, and they don’t trust you.

4. You see your coworkers as competitors.

5. You believe that one of the best ways to climb the ladder is to push other people down or out of the way.

6. You secretly enjoy watching other people suffer and squirm.

7. You are often jealous of your colleagues and find it difficult to be genuinely pleased for them when they do well.

8. You have a small list of close friends and a long list of enemies, and you are equally proud of both lists.

How Do You Treat Other People?

9. You sometimes just can’t contain your contempt towards the losers and jerks at your workplace.

10. You find it useful to glare at, insult and even occasionally shout at some of the idiots at your workplace — otherwise they never seem to shape up.

11. You take credit for the accomplishments of your team — why not? They would be nowhere without you.

12. You enjoy lobbing “innocent” comments into meetings that serve no purpose other than to humiliate or cause discomfort to the person on the receiving end.

13. You are quick to point out others’ mistakes.

14. You don’t make mistakes. When something goes wrong, you always find some idiot to blame.

15. You constantly interrupt people because, after all, what you have to say is more important.

16. You are constantly buttering up your boss and other powerful people, and you expect the same treatment from your underlings.

17. Your jokes and teasing can get a bit nasty at times, but you have to admit that they are pretty funny.

18. You love your immediate team and they love you, but you are all continually at war with the rest of the organisation. You treat everyone else like c**p because, after all, if you’re not on my team you either don’t matter or you’re the enemy.

How Do People React to You?

19. You notice that people seem to avoid eye contact when they talk to you — and they often become very nervous.

20. You have the feeling that people are always very careful about what they say around you.

21. People keep responding to your e-mails with hostile reactions, which often intensify into “flame wars” with these jerks.

22. People seem hesitant about divulging personal information to you.

23. People seem to stop having fun when you arrive.

24. People always seem to react to your arrival by announcing that they have to leave.

Scoring the test: add up the number of statements that you marked as true. This isn’t a scientific test, but in my opinion:

0–5 true: You don’t sound like a certified a**hole, unless you are fooling yourself.

5–15 true: You sound like a borderline certified a**hole; perhaps the time has come to start changing your behaviour before it gets worse.

15 or more true: You sound like a full-blown certified a**hole to me; get help immediately. But please, don’t come to me for help, as I would rather not meet you.

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