Sounds like Alicia was sexually assaulted by Mr Know it all Sean. On his own admission, he clamped his hand over her mouth. How did he know she was consenting this time? He seems to suggest that because she'd engaged in "kinky" sex with him before, the last instance was no different. Rubbish. Did he give evidence, was he cross-examined? I suspect not. And the matter would not have been prosecuted if there wasn't a reasonable prospect of conviction.

And what, exactly, was the point of mentioning the number of alicia's previous sexual partners? What difference does it make, other than to appeal to prejudice etc & so forth?

Estelle, sydney, Australia

in reply to Vanessa from Kent, I am 17 and have had more than 20 sexual partners (male) and I can promise you that I do not have any history of abuse, the simple fact is, sex is good.

"Alicia" was probably just doing what most teenagers do, anything they want.

Also, by telling her he was leaving her for someone else, he probably fractured what little self esteem she already had. yes her choice in how to deal with the matter was a little over the top, but the writer should be glad she stopped at that.

Andrew Smith, Cumbernauld, Scotland

What a deeply unpleasant individual this man is.
He exploits a 17 year old who, with her troubled sexual history and accusation of rape, is clearly disturbed and then seeks to justify himself in this article. His appropriation of the murder of Meredith Kercher as a nauseating 'taster' (as Claire of Herts so rightly puts it) shows how low he is prepared to go.
I shall not be buying the book.

S. Delaney, London,

Although Mr. Thomas makes some good arguments, the article seems more like an attempt to clear his name than to explain the events in Perugia. If press reports are accurate, it sounds more like Meredith was raped. In any case, it doesn't seem fair to speculate that she was a willing participant up to a point, particularly when there is allegedly evidence of a man's DNA on her tampon. I'm not sure that any woman's idea of wild sex includes penetration while you still have a tampon inserted.

Carrie, Toronto, Canada

While Sean may not have committed the legal crime of rape, that does not absolve him from blame, he protests he was innocent before meeting this adolescent girl but clearly he was the one in control, the one able to walk away once he had had his fill of this teenage girl. Still, he seems to have learnt some lessons about the sacredness of sexual encounters and how vulnerable they can leave people, so that is good.

Mary, Harpenden, Herts

Wow... a very interesting read!

Why does a young girl who enjoys sex and happens to have had 20 partners by the age of 17 "...enourmous personality issues..."? Why can she not just have an overly active libido? Why do we always have to have "normality", who says what is normal anyway? This diversity of human behaviour is what makes us what we are, and if we really thought about it, we wouldn't have it any less colourful!

I may have read this wrong, but the incident that leads to the rape charge, I saw the parting comments as part of the whole "act" maybe I was wrong? I think maybe "Alicia" suddenly realised that she no longer enjoyed the "games".

Julian Bennett, Bromley, UK

Being pretty much vanilla myself, I find this fascinating. The writer answers all of his own questions but seems to be still looking somewhere other than the obvious. Anyway, this sort of violence linked in with sex is nevertheless fascinating and I plan to read "Concertina" by an ex-dominatrix, charting her rise and fall in the industry including a relationship which stemmed from her job, the converse to the instant writer's experience but similarly doomed.

Further, a 17 year old who has had that many partners bis quite probably the victim of abuse at some point (I'm not classifying that, just "something bad") - promiscuity so young is a form of abuse of self not a sign of emancipation, particularly for girls, the invasion of the physical self, lack of emotional context etc - and the writer, several years older, played his role.

Final comment - men in their 20s and over should think twice before having sex and relationships with children in women's bodie

Vanessa, Kent, England

First
“But what actually occurred in Perugia? It may be that Ms Kercher was involved in a sex game that went too far – and when she refused, she was killed. Whatever happened, this innocent girl’s death is a hideous crime. And a further example, maybe, of what can happen when sex games go wrong.”
Who does anyone know what really happened? On the other hand, it is a confusing statement to say “She refused (sex)” – there are no witnesses and no 100% proof of who did what.
“But what actually occurred in Perugia? It may be that Ms Kercher was involved in a sex game that went too far – and when she refused, she was killed. Whatever happened, this innocent girl’s death is a hideous crime. And a further example, maybe, of what can happen when sex games go wrong.”
This is another speculative statement.
I believe this case likes other criminal investigation cases, should be looked at by the police, and judge by a judiciary court, not by media.

Second
Now, let study your article according to your early personal experiences abut sex and presumably its relation to these cases. Sex is a natural mechanism. It is precisely the same as one’s need for food. Without it (sex) one truly would be not able to behave or exist.
In modern time, it (sex) is like preparing a nice dish to serve at dinner table. No wonder there are many TV programmes these days to teach us how to eat and sex well colourful.
Moreover, you pointed out the relation between weird sexual acts to era of 60’s. However, I believe that there are different ways to look at what is going on. I think we should go back millions of years to find the reason. It seems that it is our fear and obligations to law and orders (an abstract concept – civilization -) that makes us behave ‘in control’ within act of sex (the same rule applies to other human activities, such as table manner, etc). If, the opportunities rise to a lawlessness situation, you will observe what Homo sapiens (I, you, and we) really are.
Personally, I am not really worried much about what you say is happening. Sexuality is an instinct, however, it is not available for everyone, as you and I may understand it more practically.

Mack, London, UK

what ever you are doing you have a duty of care to the other people and killing somebody is still murder how ever you look at it sex games or not

knight, aberdeen, uk

"feel very sorry for him but I feel even sorrier for Alicia. "

Why? what possible information is there in that article to suggest his ex deserves sympathy? HE was accused of rape, which was proved wrong, and had he been convicted his life would have been traumatically and irrevocably damaged.

That is a disgusting matter, for which blame lies on her. Assumptions that the woman is a little softy who gets used and hurt and needs sympathy just don't wash: not when she made a very serious and false allegation.

How would you feel, Ju, if the man were your son, after a false accusation like that? I'm really tired of all this emotional sympathy towards women, when men have emotions as well and are equally valuable human beings.

I think actually all this kinky sex stuff, Mr Thomas, is a tale you are telling merely to advertise your book. Its really not that interesting, for anyone used to the ways of the world. The rape story though is pertinent and very serious.

Joe, Manchester,

This sequence of events seems to fall into the bracket of what must be a very common experience in what Sean describes as our modern sexually permissive environment.

If the question is one of intent then Sean finds himself rightly exonerated. However, in my mind after what I've just read (and my own personal experience) he didn't intend to rape this girl but unfortunately he may have done. The signals exchanged as part of this extreme experience are best left to the most sensitive, psycholgically informed amongst us (ie those whom are unlikely to partake anyway). It what position would he have been in to eruditly discern this occasion was no different if all previous encounters involved an element of coercion?

I feel very sorry for him but I feel even sorrier for Alicia.

Ju, London, London

Sean -- I'm sure this is the obvious idea, but the description of how/when you were charged with rape made me think she was just being vindictive over your reaction of revulsion (which demonizes her), and your moving on to another girl (triggers her worthlessness fears), and your having the last word as you left... all triggers that would make most scorned girls want revenge (although most don't act on it to that extent.)

Just to say that she may not have thought or convinced herself she was raped whatsoever... especially since the emotional pain came AFTER the physical sensations. If that helps... from a girl's POV.

theGirl, Los Angeles,

Nothing surprising here. We live in a decadent society where generally accepted moral values have been almost completely eroded. Sex has become an end in itself as opposed to part of a whole range of expression of loving feelings between two people. Why would anybody buy his book, if not to derive stimulation and titillation from it? How much money will he earn from it? Is not this an example of the problem - but then of course most people do not see it as a problem; not until something goes wrong!

Mike Hughes, Copenhagen,

"As for the accusation from your partner, Sean, I am pretty sure it was revenge for the immense pain you caused when 'dumping' her just after having sex. She was wrong, but so were you to be so cruel and insensitive,"

What "immense pain"? She was just as blase about sex as he was, and they both realised it was essentially all the relationship was built on. So crying foul was not really appropriate.

You are right though in identifying this as the reason for her rape charge. Disgusting. And the most important part of this article. Quite timely too, when everyone's talking about increasing rape conviction rates and no is considering the possibility that a large percentage of those cases are quite likely to be similar to this - not with the kinky stuff, but with a comparable complexity regarding male/female relations, and quite likely where drinks/drugs feature. I'm tired of this assumption that rape-monsters are getting away with it in large numbers, with an implicit slur on all men.

Joe, Manchester,

All this reminds me of that passage in "The Catcher in the Rye" when he stays at a hotel and sees a couple spitting drinks over each other's faces and a businessman dressed up in women's clothes and says,"the place was lousy with perverts." The ambivalent feelings encountered, prurient fascination mixed with revulsion and alienation, are similar to the feelings described in the article.

Simon, Bristol,

be fair, claire. he's not using this page to absolve himself of guilt, he's using it to advertise his book. :0)

grace.... you seem a little uptight. I'm not going to indulge your problems, though. a 17-year old "child"? not exactly. why should having a large number of sexual partners at a relatively young age necessarily be seen as a sign of having personal issues? maybe she saw sex as fun and was able to divorce the act from any emotional ties or a sense of validation. maybe. as you don't know her, you shouldn't really comment, should you? she might have been considerably more grown up than you think.

jem, london, uk

Another approach that I find interesting is the increased dialogue about sexual behaviours vis-a-vis STIs and HIV transmission. In developed countries, despite sexually savvy young people, STIs and HIV rates are generally stable and rising among female heterosexuals.

I have no conclusive remarks to make with this perspective, but all signs seem to point to an extremely sophisticate, highly educated, wealthy society in the West that has been, in many respects, fragmented down to the core of the young individuals growing up in the cultural permissiveness of 'everything goes'.

Naomi , Berlin, Germany

Thank you for a thought-provoking piece, though as others have pointed out, it makes no explicit mention of marriage or reproduction, only that sex "isn’t just about orgasms." A very good friend of mine published a piece in The Times last year about her personal decision to become chaste, and pieces immediately sprung up in, erm, another popular London paper about the "retrogressive" and "creepy 'chastity' movement in America." So while saying that "It is good that people feel less inhibited about sex" will protect Mr Thomas from similar calls of being a prude, I do think this latter assumption deserves a bit more scrutiny.

Brett, Cleveland, USA

Emily from Oxford, if you feel so strongly about 'wanting to read other stuff such as current affairs and thought-provoking ideas', why did you take the time to read an article quite blatantly on the topic of sex and violence? Do you read the title of the articles you read, or just hope to stumble across something which fits the above description?

Richard Lowe, Wolverhampton, UK

" it is appalling that you still benevolently describe 'Alicia' as a"wild, little rich girl'. A 17 year old child who has already accumulated 20 partners is clearly someone with enormous personal issues." wrote - Grace, Cambridge.

Actually Grace, from my experience as someone involved with the parents of wealthy families, most 17 year old "wild little rich girls" *have* accumulated more than 20 partners. The "enormous personal issues" they often have is that their parents give them everything on a plate, they don't have to work or strive for anything, they dress like hookers in designer gear paid for by their parents, they are vacuous and unintelligent, sex to them is just a physical activity and gives them some affirmation as to their worth because there isn't anything else in their lives - of their own free choice I must add - that does give them any worth. Their lives are pointless really. They contribute nothing to the world, they just spend money and sleep around.

HG, London, UK

Oh dear Emily from Oxford, which nerve did this article touch I wonder?

One that, since you claim the author is "one more person who can't get enough of it", suggests you simply aren't getting enough full stop!

Laura Roberts, London, UK

"Buggery"? Singled out as if this is some unnatural, deviant practice? I hardly think someone who indulges in BDSM sex is entitled to throw stones.

Josh, London,

rape isn't about sex, a man and a woman definitely know the difference, so do a jury. In the author's case (Sean Thomas), broke her heart and walked out of her life, leaving her in shock, in bitter spite decided to get back at him by claiming rape!!
A little harsh to say the least! whether she felt some guilt over their rough sex games in some way, who knows, I wonder how she feels about it now..she's probably still at it.

Matt , London,

I find this article unstructured and unfocused.

So his ex pressed charges against him and therefore he now pontificates about the moral vacuum we live in, the dangerous nature of permissive attitudes, the "trivialisation" of sex in society? Spare us.

The reason the "boundaries became blurred" in his relationship is because there was no engagement outside of the bedroom, no real communication to comprehend the emotions at play and manage them maturely.

You can have vanilla sex with a regular partner, you can have vanilla sex with a stranger, or you can be experimental with either. But if you want to try more adventurous, kinky and "out there" stuff, it isn't very feasible (or sensible) to do so outside a mutually respectful, open and emotionally evolved relationship (romantic or otherwise).

With the author and his ex, there was no respect or regard. But "extreme" sex isn't inherently bad or inevitably damaging. The media sensationalises what is usually a private matter.

KC, London, UK

Faz, islam is only relevent to the article in that Terry considered it is the solution to what he considers the terrible decadence of the country he lives in.
Leaving aside that rape is hardly an unknown crime in the islamic world (though usually labelled 'adultery'), I find it pretty rich being lectured in morality by an apologist for such an inherently violent and repressive dogma.
None of us will be around to see the world in 100 years, but I guess Terry will be a bit disappointed when his 5.8 daughters start wearing mini skirts and going clubbing.

Ian, London,

A very timely article. Sex has been separated from its primary purpose which is to reproduce the human species. The separation has been exaggerated thanks to easy contraception which has helped pervert it into simply recreation. I bet many readers won't do it, but I recommend Pope Paul VI's encyclical Humanae Vitae to anyone who agrees with the main point of this article. You won't regret the time you spent reading it.

Ted, Rome, Italy

I have a question
Did the rich young woman with the attitude to sex have a pregnancy prior to this episode?

nancy jo, soton uk,

This is the oldest story in the world: A young man has amoral and uninhibited sex that he thoroughly enjoys, then encounters guilt and self-disgust. He repents and attempts to salve his conscience by warning others of the perils of such beastly and earthy behaviour. For Sean Thomas, read St Francis of Assisi and many before and since, all products of a very savage and Catholic puritanism. Yes, sex is dangerous when it's mixed with drugs, alcohol—and guilt. Yet without the latter, we don't need the former.

David , Greece,

One of the functions of sex is procreation, but that is hardly its only function. (Keith / Terry) And if the pleasure derived from it is “minor” (Keith) you’re probably doing it wrong. Following Islam is not going to stop people from experimenting. (Terry / Faz). Also, there are 2.1 billion Christians world wide, and only 1.5 billion members of Islam. This does not make Islam the religion with the most followers in the world. (Sorry Faz).

Sex is fun. Sex also reinforces intimacy and strengthens emotional bonds, which, in conjunction with the fun part, is why people continue to have sex long after reproduction is an issue.

The article was well written and very interesting. I am also impressed with his ability to put such a personal story out there for the public’s consumption. I have a lot of respect for someone who can be so open and courageous.

Sheila, Cleveland, USA

a seventeen year old girl with THAT attitude to sex? just thought id raise it. very dubious in my opinion. and i really did want to believe his side of the story so much more but it just asked a bit to much of me.
i wont be reading any of your books mr thomas about your opinions on women and sex i get the distinct feeling they wouldnt be very honest.

x, x, uk

Some insightful comments on an issue that shows one of the most mixed victories of the 60's era. Of course, suppressing sex too strongly is wrong, as the pain felt by that tells you. But letting such a powerful instinct roam free with no memory of it's intended function- ultimately to bond and reproduce- is also wrong. Take away the bonding aspect and you rob it of it's managing power to stay affectionate, it gets kinky in some way- a kink being a distortion. When this gets extreme, even if pleasurable, it is certainly more filled with danger. Maybe an obsession with sex makes healthy sex seem boring?

As for the accusation from your partner, Sean, I am pretty sure it was revenge for the immense pain you caused when 'dumping' her just after having sex. She was wrong, but so were you to be so cruel and insensitive, destructive even. Anyone who has been in relationships knows that the most important, 'real' aspect is how everyone feels; here there should be no games or callousness.

Gideon, Kashiwa, Japan

I'm shocked that Emily finds this article "cheap." On the contrary, I found the insight gained from the author's perspective immensely valuable - after all, why not learn from the experience of others when it is freely offered?

So no, The Times is NOT going too far down the Sun and Daily Mirror path and you don't need a PhD to have an opinion on sexual practice in the 21st century.

Peter, London, England

I've been married 24 years. I've never had an affair. I believe my wife hasn't either. We enjoy great lovemaking. I have always felt amazingly lucky. This article intensifies that feeling.

Pack Rat, Northampton,

I think all this is a bit of a red herring. I still believe that whatever your sex games, a man knows when he is raping a woman, and a woman knows it too. Generally rape isn't a sex crime at all. Ask anyone who has been raped if she thought it was at all about sex. Its GBH, and has nothing to do about sex, extreme, marital or whatever.

Liz, Kent,

Surely, for something so intense (and so dangerous!!) a certain amount of understanding and trust is needed in order to enjoy the encounter. So maybe you understood her more then you think?

However, it seems that when either of those factors are lost ,the excitement is replaced by fear and then panic.

It's quite easy to see how the balance can shift, and agreeing with Rue, you've certainly opened my eyes and the way I think about these situations.

Laurance, Ipswich, England

It is hard to know where to start with this article. I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out and ended so badly for you both. Lots of people have kinky sex and really enjoy it and no harm is done. Perhaps we need more education on how to think well about what we want and what would be good for us, how to communicate that well and a much better understanding of consent and how real power differences can be coercive.
Adults giving informed consent and playing with strong sensations attached to sex in a caring an controlled manner is far from the abuses of violence.
Don't be misled on this by the ignorant or the bigoted, nor those who say everything is good for all.

Grant Denkinson, Leicester,

It's refreshing to read an honest and open article on personal experiences in this area. There is an unfortunate tendency with sex, as in drugs, for those who habitually seek pleasure to push the boundaries until perhaps inevitably they reach a stage further than their partner is willing to take. It may also cross a line physically or emotionally that results in irrevocable damage to the relationship.

Mike, Dunstable, UK

With regard to the comment made by Ian from London what does the religion Islam has to do with this particular article? If Islam is brutal and inhuman then why does it have the most followers in the world. Its quite stupid of you to make assumptions that it will finish in another 100 yrs!

faz, london,

Err. I thought the point of sex was to reproduction and pair bonding until the offspring were raised. I think most vertebrates do this with the odd variation on the theme. The primary cause of abberant behaviour in humans...etc etc
Keith Bentham, Wigan, Lancs

Blimey Keith, I bet you're a bundle of laughs under the sheets. Not!
Anyway, the point of sex is not just about reproduction and pair bonding until the offspring were raised actually. Else why would people have sex when they don't wish to procreate (even with long term partners), and why would people with children over 18 ever have sex again!? Maybe you don't though and you think that's normal!

Helen E., London, UK

May i say, what a very well written article. I have a different perspective of sex than the writer, and I have been in a relationship with someone for whom sex had a purpose and identity similar to that written. The effects were likewise. Simply not a scenario for me. But it is for some. But putting that aside, just from a clarity of writing perspective, this article was very good.

Laura Roberts, London, UK

The future will not be muslim, Terry from London, because young women (and men) living in this country, can and do see the basic inhumanity and brutality of a religion caught in the early middle ages.
In a hundred years, islam will eather be reformed out of recognition or a scarcely believable memory of male arrogance and ignorance.

Ian, london,

Comments provide a fascinating insight on English Puritanism.

Chauvelin, Paris, France

I don't see what' s meant to be "dangerous" about that sort of relationship, at home wih your girlfriend. It sounds more likethe stuff you get from corny magazines "Spice up your sex life with some interesting role play".

Zoe, Berlin, Germany

Great article, a good warning to all.

In my experience, people often become angry at the other party, when they've done something that they cannot live with.

One overlooked part though is that, sex has become a battle ground in our society. Marriage, divorce, child support, and custody battles, have destroyed the sanctity of marriage. Though highly profitable for the legal profession, many prefer the risks of casual sex, to the risks of loosing their children or their livliehood in marriage.

Once marriage was a safe place for sexual relations, now there is more fear in marital relationships, than in single ones.

Gerald Anderson, LMFT, South Pasadena, California/United States

What I find disturbing about this article is that Sean Thomas says .... 'But what actually occurred in Perugia? It may be that Ms Kercher was involved in a sex game that went too far – and when she refused, she was killed. ' It may also be that she was NOT involved in a sex game that went wrong. Thomas has no right to suggest this, it is irresponsible journalism.

alice hudson, quimper, france

It is quite important to try to avoid having sex with unstable women. They can create all manner of problems for you.

Jo, London, UK

The author is just one more person who can't get enough of it so has to write about it too, and not only that but publish it in a newspaper where we want to read about other stuff such as current affairs and thought-provoking ideas. If you must write about all this cheap stuff then write for one of the cheap magazines. The Times is going too far down the Sun and Daily Mirror path. Thomas Stuttaford etc's articles on sexual dysfunction or worries is a completely different matter.

Emily, Oxford, UK

Reminds me of the urban myth (or is it) of the man who hooked up with a girl and went back to her place. She asked to be handcuffed to the bed, but once she was cuffed up he had to go to the 24 hour store for condoms. He got back to her apartment building, but he'd forgotten which number flat she was in, and there was no point in buzzing every flat because she wasn't going to be able to get to the entry phone even if he did buzz the right flat. So he went home on his own. Who knows if there's now a skeleton handcuffed to that same bed?

Redcliffe, London,

One problem facing this current generation is the way sex and sexual partners have been turned into commodities. We now feel entitled to select sexual experiences from a menu card irrespective of the feasibility, legality or capacity of those involved. Why else would women be under pressure to have cosmetic surgery and dress up in kinky outfits, and men to purchase sexual services or take viagra to perform. The rationale behind this is consumer choice, which is held to be a universal good. All manner disturbing pornography is available on the web because there is a demand. Just as there is a difference between regular sports (exercise, fitness, enjoyment, bonding) and extreme sports (risk taking, adrenaline high, desire to 'prove something'), there is a difference between titilation and eroticisation of violence.

Isadora, London,

I wholeheartedly agree that when "games go wrong" with sex that the damage can be high.
However, this could be said for any sort of game, be it drugs, alcohol or even traditional sport type games.
If you enter into any sort of pleasure seeking, you should understand there will be implications and downsides, and sex is no different.
The article also leads towards saying that all games end badly, this is also not true, and it seems that the author has had his fun, and is now preaching to stop anyone else experiencing it too.
Moderation in everything, and play it safe

PK, York,

Why do people feel that when it comes to sex, they can say whatever they feel like and not be accountable? What odd comments from both Keith and Terry. Traditionally accepted and homogeonised does not necessarily equal "normal". Nor does comparing white women to muslim women unfavourably because they reproduce less frequently seem a particularly palatable view. Imagine someone posting the alternative comment "the future may be bright but it definitely isn't Asian" (incidentally Terry completely ignores the fact that the terms "white" and "muslim" are not necessarily mutually exclusive). It is comments such as these, not isolated cases of sexual proclivites turned sour that make me fear for the humankind.

Kate, London, UK

I think this type of stories hit the front pages just because the journalists want them to be there, not because they actually occurr more often than before. The relationship between sex, violence, and ultimately death has periodically emerged from the shades of privacy and censure, from Sophocles, to de Sade, and to the pages of every more or less respectable newspaper nowadays. In other times it was probably just latent and well hidden.

In a society where everyone's guilty, the only sin is being caught.

Andrea, London, UK

Great article. Poignant, thoughtful, honest. Thank you for having the courage to write it. And to the publisher, thank you for having the courage to publish it.

Jo Jo, Berkeley, California

Assuming that all this happened way in the past and that you are now able to look back on this episode with the wisdom of years gone by, it is appalling that you still benevolently describe 'Alicia' as a wild, little rich girl'. A 17 year old child who has already accumulated 20 partners is clearly someone with enormous personal issues. A healthy, well-adjusted, self-confident 17 year old does not sleep with 20 men. It is glaringly apparent to the reader that this young girl had clear problems in her life to have been this (casually) sexual at such a young age. Surely, you can now see this and perhaps can recognize the fact that this was a troubled young girl whose problems were only indulged, rather than helped, by the destructive, violent relationship you embarked upon with her.

Grace, Cambridge,

Is it appropriate to give this person a full page, one-sided opportunity to absolve himself of guilt in his own tawdry experience by using the non-equivalent example of a repulsive sexual murder in Italy as a teaser?

Claire, Herts,

Sex is a funny business: I am 76 and went to my doctor recently to tell him that my wife finds it 'difficult' to be satisfied now. The doctor asked, "How old is your wife?" "75" I replied. "When did you first notice the changes in this sexual behaviour?" the doctor asked. "Well doctor" I said "Twice last night and again this morning!"

Derek Clifton, Andover, Hampshire, England

It's a shame you didn't, or couldn't, write "I strolled around to see Alicia, she consented, and we did our thing."

Assumed consent is not consent any more - if you were in front of a jury today you may not have been aquitted.

Dave Gordon, Edinburgh, UK

I have to say I'm with richard on this one. you can dress up this story any way you like - as if there is some great societal swing and you're just floating on the tide - but the simple explanation is that you dumped her in a callous manner and she spitefully got back at you. and that is human nature that would have been just applicable to a victorian.

anyone who subsequently decides they were raped, wasn't. if you're actually raped, you know it's rape at the time. post-fact remorse does not amount to rape.

jem, london, uk

Norman Mailer said it all: "There's no such thing as safe sex"

Tom, Dubai,

Alas, poor Sean Thomas and those like him. The natural point of sex is to create the next generation, with the pleasure a minor encouragement to that end.

The culture in Britain that acts most in harmony with this natural law is Muslim culture. Consequently, the future is Muslim because Muslim women in Britain have an average of 5.6 children, while non-Muslim women of the kind Mr Thomas describes have 1.8 children - well below replacement rate.

The permissive culture described by Sean Thomas is dying out. Literally. Britain's future may or may not be bright. It definitely isn't white.

Terry, London, UK

Err. I thought the point of sex was to reproduction and pair bonding until the offspring were raised. I think most vertebrates do this with the odd variation on the theme.
Successful behavioural reproductive strategies persist on account of producing more offspring. Unsuccessful behavioural strategies eventually diminish as they produce less offspring.
The primary cause of abberant behaviour in humans is domestication via civilisation which tends to cut people off from natural behaviour. Normal human behaviour is still evident in hunter gatherer societies were marriage has practical value for division of labour, child rearing and the imparting of survival skills to the next generation.
Experiments with overcrowding in rats also produce pathological behaviour; aggression, genital biting, homosexuality and abandonment of the offspring by mothers was observed.
Government plans to raise the population of Britain to 90 million don't bode well for any who want a normal family life

Keith Bentham, Wigan, Lancs

I suspect that it is those with a diminished libido who feel a need to assure themselves that this is not so who feel the need to venture to extremes. The healthy feel no need to demonstrate, by dress or demeanor, their sexual confidence. I assert the claim that there is more mental disease in this world , not only sexual, than otherwise, which would account for the propinquity to violence and salacious thrill. One extreme is crushing puritanism and the other undisicplined liberality, both unhealthy extremes.

John DEAN, Perth, Western Australia,

I take the view that your girlfriend made the allegation (she may also have believed it) because you said you had found someone else.

Richard Staynor, Perth, Austra;ia

What? I say What?

You say: " how did my beloved girlfriend, the woman who I adored more than anyone else in the world, come to accuse me of that awful crime?" --- WHAT?

You answered that yourself, pal, here: "And so the inevitable happened. Alicia and I found ourselves strangers in all ways and places but in bed."

Add to that the drugs and the alcohol and the mystery is gone.

eugene, heidelberg, germany

As I am getting older, sex is not distracting me anymore 24/7. Thank god!
But I can't help noticing that something has changed many of our very young kids, especially girls. They look like hookers.
I can't believe the way they are dressed these day and I wonder if this is just ignorance or, as Sean Thomas writes: a fancy dress party of the libido.
Strangely enough, many mothers seem to be imitating their daughters and thus encouraging such way of dressing up (or down). So nowadays we can see mother and daughter shopping together like an old and younger prostitute for, lets put it nicely, kinky business outfits.

bob, vancouver, bc

I believe it is also linked to the post-modern awakening whereby we apply the sledgehammer logic of seeing that the moral codes surrounding sex earlier in the century were all built on a bed of sand. Once these were taken away we have tried to approach sex like other aspects of our lives; something to learn about, to expand our horizons with, be broad-minded towards etc etc. The problem is that this pretence of being able to take on an inherently emotional field (its driven by our hormones after all) in a way in which we believe we can package nicely, control and compartmentalise in our mind, is fundamentally arrogant and foolhardy.

To put it simply, some of us should just remind ourselves to be a little more humble about how much we can control our own biology, not trick ourselves we can turn drives on and off at whim, and take into account the inevitable repurcussions our experimentation will have in our own minds and resultingly in our treatment of those we engage in sex with.

David , Beijing, China

A very interesting and insightful article. It's definatly opened my eyes to some stuff!

Rue, Berlin, Germany