Women are allowed to propose any time of any year, by the way.

Richard Smart, Barry, Britain

@Laura

No, I'm trying to say that the divorce courts will always have the final verdict. A couple (before and after divorce) can agree on everything, stick to their word etc. but if the courts decide that particular assets should belong to the stay at home partner, that will be the case. Remember that prenups don't have to be taken into consideration.

As for trust, I disagree with that; you can be a perfect couple, but when divorce occurs for whatever reason, things get bitter and spiteful fast - just look at the McCartney case. They were both happily married with a child (why else would a couple conceive a child if they were not completely happy?), but things went rapidly downhill soon after.

These recent high profile divorce cases do have a silver lining though; they will bring to attention for both partners the financial aspect of the relationship, which is usually sidetracked or even ignored in the name of "true love".

Jeff, Manchester,

Jeff, Manchester "@ Laura, The sad fact is, your type is one in a million. And they're already married. even if a couple agree beforehand to only take what's theirs, through prenups or otherwise, the divorce courts do not see it that way."

Well, not as common it seems, but I cannot be alone in this. And I'm single. What I'm reading in your comment, and many others, is a basic lack of trust. What you're saying really is that even if a couple agree beforehand, you don't trust your partner to stick to that in the event of a divorce. As for the courts, not if s/he doesn't take the money.

What I'm trying to point out is that if your partner (male or female) believes it is right to take the product of another's endeavour in the event of divorce, and you disagree with that, your values are poles apart. And if you think they'll go against a pre-nup or any other type of agreement later, you don't trust them.

And if there's no trust or shared values, why are you together in the first place?

Laura Roberts, London, UK

Pure and simple - the risks of marriage for men have increased, while the rewards have diminished. A guy can easily get sex and female companionship while single these days - great ! On the other hand, as already noted by others, marriage is an extremely risky proposition for men -- 50% chance of divorce, with 70% of "no fault" divorces initiated by women -- followed by financial ruination & loss of the children. (Good grief: she just has to get a bit bored, or better still, she can run off with someone else.) You'd have to really, really trust your beloved to risk those lousy odds ... a business proposition with odds like that would be laughed out of town.

Mike, Auckland,

Imagine the day women asked out men for dates! Oh that would never happen, then they would have to risk a decent percentage of a chance of being rejected! i'm equal, but not equal enough to want to risk rejection! TEE HEE!

steve, Virginia, usa

Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend, and we are really happy together, and, yes, there is that girly part of me that would love the romance of getting married ...
BUT, as far as the balance of wealth is concerned, I have inherited wealth, and interest in a family business, my own flat, a farm, a range of investments, and a solid well paying job ... he has no assets, and he runs his own small business from my flat ...
Not a good look from a divorce lawyer's perspective!
It's good to know that prenups are becoming more persuasive in court, but I won't be getting married until I know that I can protect my position.

Anika, London,

The reason that marriage has its special status originates in the undertaking you make before God to "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part."

Basically the thinking was that a contract with God is at least as good as a contract in law.

Now that we accept God as the anthropomorphic anachronism it is (was?), surely it would be better to reverse that ancient decision, and put the 'contract with God' on a par with something you get from Disneyland.

We're grown-ups now after all. If a couple want to hang out together for a while, share stuff, well great. If they split up, then they're back to looking after themselves again. No-one's going to starve in the UK yet.

If the couple had children then yes, any absent parent should contribute their share financially at least.

Rich, Birmingham, UK

Agh, what is with all the anti-women people I come across lately?

I'm so sick of hearing about how women just take all your money and ruin men's lives and blahblah blah.

Stop going after the bleach blond, bimbo, princess wannabes and you won't have that problem.

Also, the same thing happens to women who have money. Some sleazy guy will try to leech off her.

And what's wrong with a women proposing? I, personally, wouldn't do it but I don't see it as a problem. You are BOTH part of the relationship - so she should have equal right to ask.

If you don't want to get married then just say no.

Tokio, ATL,

What a bunch of cynical grumps! What ever happened to good old fashioned love, romance, and companionship? I'm not surprised you have all had such bad experiences with marriage. Probably you're not very nice to be married to! The words bitter and twisted come to mind.

Coco, London,

This makes me laugh - i feel sorry for you men as you have to keep telling yourselves that women are after your money, just to make yourselves feel big.

Gemma, New York,

Just say no. Marriage is not worth it. Moreover, given UK law, it is probably worth changing partner every ten years or so to make sure you don't get caught up in the "common law marriage" rules. Until women are truly treated equally under the law in this regard, marriage is only for men who are foolish. Watch out for the McCartney settlement to get a sense of where things are.

Nick, Rotherham, UK

Am I the only person here who thinks that maybe this is one of those things that is just different for everyone? Hilarious article, but these comments seem to be from people who are more than happy to over-generalise.

Brijit, Paris, France

Just say no.

Adam Morcinek, Loughborough,

@Laura

The sad fact is, your type is one in a million. And they're already married.

even if a couple agree beforehand to only take what's theirs, through prenups or otherwise, the divorce courts do not see it that way. They work from an intial 50/50 split, and then dependent on if there are children, future earnings and several other factors, add more assets to the stay at home partner.

I suppose we will see a rise in women who are the breadwinners also get increasingly cautious - or as traditional expects, marry a man who is richer.

Jeff, Manchester,

In American more then half of all Marriges end in divorce and the number is climbing. It seems like that's the case on the other side of the pond as well. I think if you go back in time, even a few decades their was such a big tabboo about getting a divorce but nowadays it's almost more suprising for a couple to actually stay married then get a divorce.

To me this isn't so much a question about money or love or any of that. To me the real question is Are humans truely meant to be with one person their whole lives? I think it's very possible for a man to sincerly love several woman through out his life and vice versa for woman. And to confine either party to one person is just wrong. in nut shell I have a lot of love to give.

Justin, Omaha, Nebraska

The solution is surely simple: marry a man, or a woman, who if in the sad event of a divorce, will take away only what they put into the relationship monetarily.

We do exist. Some of us do believe it is morally wrong for either sex to take earnings of another, for which they have not worked.

Billie Piper did it. I - if I were to marry and divorce - would do it. If you are worried - as so many men here seem to be - that their partners will take their money if they got divorced, surely there's a fundamental mismatch in values?

And if that's the case, why are you with your partner?

Laura Roberts, London, UK

Get married - and risk losing everything I worked (and saved darn hard) for???

I will consider that option only if the woman earns (and is worth a lot more) than I am.

Marriage has a special place in all our hearts - it's such a pity the courts and a few cretins have messed up the experience by marrying for the divorce settlement potential!

Osei K., London,

Funny article! Laughed all the way reading it.

All this mumbo jumbo about women trying to lure guys into getting married: so you think your money is more attractive than you are?

Guys, get a bit more self-esteem! You might be more loveable than you think you are. Or wait until the year 2015 when there will be more female millionaires than male ones in the UK. (Although chances are we might prefer toy-boys/trophy-husbands 20 years our junior then;-)

@ all the guys picking on Sarah:
The scientific evidence can be found in Filipp (2006), Schneewind (2001) and Goldman (your choice) (and these are reviews, meaning there are myriads of studies showing that guys do profit from marriage more than women do).

@ Galen: Should your wife (if you have one;-) divorce you, it's because she's heading for an STI/STD from your messing around with complete strangers, not because she' after your money (if you have any;-)

Simone, London,

This article discourages marriage and demonises women. it makes a joke and a laugh of western soceity. Now the religious fundamentalists will be laughing see the west is dis fragmenting. lets take marriage out of the discussion. what happened to love. surely if you love someone whom you have lived with for a long time what is wrong with marrying. are we now so insecure in todays Britain that we now put money first before everything.

Ade, London, England UK

You are all so cynical if the first thing that comes to mind when the word marriage is mentioned is divorce then this is indeed a sad world.

Marriage should be a symbol of your decision to love someone and to support each other through life's difficulties
Unfortunately one of the bi-products of living in a society where everything is disposable is the self-centred approach to relationships; if it doesn't work we just throw it away and get a new one.

I think we all have something to learn from the older generation who built things to last. After all, the security of marriage has to be better than the cold loneliness of this egocentric society.

Florian Winkler, Sheffield,

@Galen, Singapore

I don't think you understand how marriage law works here (and the US, not sure about other European countries). You can try and hide your assets in offshore trusts etc., but you can bet the woman's lawyers and investigators will be working full time to find them. Nothing is hidden in today's surveillance world.

You are correct on the loyalty and infidelity part; marriage is simply a shift of power, from relative uncertainty on both parties to one favouring the woman.

Jeff, Manchester,

Your two to three years rule is definitely not true for me! I've been with my boyfriend for seven years and I'm happy as we are. Women are scared of commitment too you know!

D, Leeds, UK

Very good article ! I laughed all along !

It is not to be given to any woman who thinks about proposing ; there are demoniac ideas within !

But don't be worried : we feel exactly the same way when proposed, when we don't want to marry any man, even the one we are with...!

Lina, Paris, France

"I don't understand why we can't get married if he's already promised to stay with me forever" ~S~ Dallas.

Because the courts won't honour anything you promise, but they will honour anything they deem he should have.

Sarah, London.
Name a single divorced woman with children, post divorce, who has less money, and money coming in, than she would have had, if she'd had an anonymous donor and bought her house herself as a single person. You can't right? So where's the money coming from?

Morris, Aylesbury,

I have my own house and car. I stand to lose a lot with the incredibly female biased divorce laws. So no marriage for me unless I meet someone with at least as much money as I have - or preferably more. Its what women have done for centuries - and I am a big believer in equality.

By the way Sarah in London - it ain't like that oop north!

Patrick, Preston, Lancs

Don't fall for their reverse pyschology ladies! All men want to get married. As soon as they get that ring on your finger they can stop holding in their stomachs and slump down in their favourite chair in front of a ridiculous plasma screen monstrosity, fiercly clutching the remote control like a weapon.

They will remain there for the next twenty years, getting fatter, balder and more obnoxious, under the guise of being a house husband.

I'm sure marriage is ok for a while, and you do get to wear an amazing dress and be the centre of attention for a day, but it's probably best to divorce him on some flimsy pretext before his chest goes all saggy.

Hannah, sheffield,

At the checkout in Boots the Chemist Nottingham today a rather sour-faced scowling young till-check-out person in her early twenties was explaining to the woman who was serving me that she was not going to propose to her boyfriend today because she wanted the engagment ring - and that if she proposed then he might not buy it.

Interestingly then, it seems that in her eyes it was all about leverage. This reminds me of Heather Mill' s dumping her ex-fiance' 6 days before they were due to tie the knot - and while acccording to her fiance at least ...she continued to have sex with him ( http://bentsocietyblog.blogspot.com/search/label/divorce%20laws ) but was now with McCartney for what she could get out of it.

Welcome to Bent Society Britian!

Dr Society, Nottingham, England

sarah from london
"There's no evidence that it's otherwise in the wider community. "
rubbish! you obviously don't read enough about marriage on these pages. they regularly quote statistics and surveys which disprove your whole argument. your personal experience obviously goes against the trend.

j, london,

Sarah, London: forgive my maleness, but exactly what statistics are you referring to?

Mark, Tokyo, Japan

What a bizarre article. If you both want to get married, then do it. If either of you don't want to, then obviously it's a bad idea.

As for men risking 'the woman' divorcing him and taking half his money, you do realise that it works both ways, and that these days most women (shock horror?) actually have money and property in their own right, so have the same financial risk on divorce.

Furthermore statistics consistently show that marriage is bad for women financially (and in terms of our physical and mental health and happiness), and good for men in all these ways. So can we stop with this tired old meme that marriage is something women want and men have to be 'trapped' into. It simply isn't true. In my personal experience, it's the men who tend to be more keen on having the whole marriage-and-children package, and the young women who want to at least put it off for a while to enjoy their freedom. There's no evidence that it's otherwise in the wider community.

Sarah, London, UK

I really cannot understand the problem. Just get married. If you are affluent simlpy keep most of your money offshore where she cannot touch it. If you get divorced she gets the the house and you keep the rest. If your home is your main asset she can have it in the divorce settlement but you simply refuse to pay any further mortgage instalments. If the bank reposseses you just lose the equity in the house which for newer married couples is probably not that large anyway. Marriage is also a great cover for infidelity. Women are largely more trusting of a man that another woman has deemed fit for marriage. So after marriage she is more secure physcologically which means a better home life for the man and he is also free to enjoy other dalliances! The key is not to believe in this silly notion of "the one". Marriage partners are for compansionship - random strangers for sex.

Galen, singapore,

Men feel threatened these days. If they bring a lot to the table, e.g. a house, car, etc. and risk losing the lot in a divorce if things go wrong (and remember, over 60% o divorces are caled for by women) it is hardly surprising that they are less likely to commit to marriage than a generation ago.

RB, Aberdeen,

Hilarious! I couldn't agree more. We are going on 4 years together and he still hasn't popped the question. I can't say I haven't tried to "influence" him (or in his terms, "threaten") but I don't understand why we can't get married if he's already promised to stay with me forever. I considered Skibo, but the $10,000 a night expense is better spent toward my retirement than a fairytale. And in regard to money? I'm the breadwinner so "getting half of less than what I already get" isn't motivation at all to tie the knot. I suppose it's more of what everyone else thinks. I can hear them gossiping now, "If they've been together this long, and he still hasn't proposed, maybe she does have borderline personality disorder!"

~S~, Dallas, Texas, USA