Caroline Baum
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Shannon Lush thinks cleaning the house is fun. She turns it into a game, racing against her own time record. “My best so far is doing the bathroom in eight and half minutes,” she says, adding that music is a great help. “I like squirting vinegar spray when the cannons go off during the 1812 Overture.”
Lush, 51, is Australia’s most unlikely export – a cleaning guru whose weekly Sydney radio segments attracted a huge following. When her tips (most of them involving bicarb of soda, oil of cloves, tights or vinegar) were collected and published as Spotless, the book became a long-running bestseller. More than half a million copies have been sold in Australia, followed by a sequel, Speedcleaning. Both are published in the UK this month.
Other countries want her advice too – everywhere from Brazil to Norway, it seems, there are Lady Macbeths fretting over spots they can’t seem to remove. Along the way, the former art restorer has had to find the answers to culturally specific questions: “In Norway, they need to know how to remove herring juice and ski wax,” says Lush.
And in Britain? Is she prepared to offer advice on what chicken tikka masala might do to a quartz worktop or red wine to £100-a-roll wallpaper? Can anyone really be prepared for the combined interiors and cleaning obsession that has gripped the UK? Of course, a certain section of the population has always been consumed by housework. Growing up, we were all aware of mothers whose regime bordered on the pathological – the ones who vacuumed the entire house every day, and could turn violent if mud appeared on a carpet. But in the Seventies and Eighties, it was somehow embarrassing for an intelligent woman – let alone a man – to admit they took much interest. If you had a professional job, you probably paid someone for one morning a week; the upper-middle classes might have employed a “daily”. This no longer seems enough. Anecdotes abound of well-off women paying gangs of cleaners to swoop three, four times a week, standing over them to supervise. Or design-conscious men who will write lengthy notes explaining the precise way they would like their concrete worktops scrubbed clean, or their iroko floors polished to gleaming. Yes, Britain is a nation ripe for Lush’s scientific rigour. Cleanliness has become synonymous with social status, and the control of every aspect of life – including dirt – that this status can bring.
The obsession has been building throughout the Noughties. How Clean Is Your House?, co-presented by Aggie MacKenzie, a columnist in this magazine, tapped into the Zeitgeist and viewers embraced its message with enthusiasm. A year after the series was first launched in 2003, the value of the household cleaning industry in the UK went up by 2.5 per cent to £1.1 billion. The domestic cleaning product market is now worth around £2 billion, according to the UK Cleaning Products Industry Association. We spend more on specialist hard-surface products – for toilets, kitchens, stainless steel surfaces and so on – than ever before, which suggests that we have grown more finicky. And as environmental concern has grown, even the brands we use have become contentious. Are you a brutal Cillit Bang type, intent on instant dirt annihilation, or an Earth-loving Ecover bod, insisting on green credentials and tasteful packaging?
Lush herself is no domestic goddess, but a homely woman offering straightforward advice. She would not like to be an Antipodean Martha Stewart – “She sets the bar too high, it’s all too aspirational and perfect” – and has repelled the advances of every cleaning product company in the country. Instead, she is about to launch her own limited range of cleaning products shortly: “Just the basics that people need but can’t find any more in hardware stores, like sweet almond oil.”
Her big selling point is that she has a degree in chemistry, and takes an analytical attitude to the combination of products that will shift everything from beer stains to Blu-Tack. (For a beer stain on the carpet, use vinegar, a paper towel, detergent, cold water and an old toothbrush, while for Blu-Tack use ice, a plastic bag, scissors, sticky tape, talcum powder, dry-cleaning fluid and a cotton wool ball.) This is as much a book for slobs as anything – the stains that one might get on sheets include coffee, tea and vomit. Most of us would head for the supermarket and buy a stain-removal product we’ll only use once. Lush sees this as a pointless waste of money, driven by ignorance of beginners’ science.
“If you don’t do chemistry, you don’t know why some basic kitchen ingredients, such as salt, will remove a stain more effectively than anything you can buy at the supermarket,” says Lush. “Nowadays, everyone seems to have a prejudice against the word ‘chemical’ because they don’t understand science enough to know that everything is chemical – the air you breathe, the skin on your body. Take urine, for example – it’s a great cleaning product, perfectly sterile, terribly useful.”
She is also dismissive of some eco-products. “In many cases, they don’t work. If you put bicarb of soda and vinegar in a bottle together, as some brands do, the properties of one cancel out the properties of the other.”
In many ways, Lush is a throw-back to Shirley Conran, whose Down With Superwoman manual set out a template for working women to appear to accomplish everything, while ruthlessly eliminating unnecessary work and cost. Lush’s recipe for keeping a home clean and tidy revolves around doing a little every day: just 15 minutes on one room on a weekday and four rooms on Saturday is her formula. There is much use of a “clutter-bucket” into which all loose objects are piled before the lightning-swift clean begins.
But unlike Conran’s book, Lush’s is targeted at both sexes, though she will sometimes offer alternative approaches for men: “They generally clean from one side of a room to the other,” she says, “whereas women tend to be more job-specific. Men tend to be visual when cleaning, so you need to make sure their line of sight is unimpaired. Women clean because they know the dirt is there, even if they can’t see it. Neither style is better,” she says, diplomatically.
But, she adds, “No mother and daughter ever have the same approach to cleaning. It’s always a generational minefield.”
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Peter in Birmingham you are right, despite what we think about other nationalities us brits have some pretty unclean habits...
For example wearing shoes indoors in our houses, washing up in a bowl without rinsing after, they don;t seem to do these things abroad
And then we go the other way, thinking that being clean means blitzing everything with bleach based products or covering up smells with cheap chemicals neither of which are any good for you! A true nation of eccentrics!
Ree, newcastle upon tyne,
This morning I saw a TV ad for a new cold water Clorox bleach. It's bad enough bleaching your clothes in the first place but they even boasted that it could unclog your drains. God knows what it doesn to the fabric but my goodness it gleams!
Toni S Hargis, expat, Chicago, USA
I have a fulfilling life with hobbies - cleaning is so unimportant in my life in the big scheme of things - I feel so sorry for these women/men with really nothing better to do with their lives.
However, upon saying that, I do deign to sweep the room with a glance on a regular basis.
Alexandra, Cologne,
Peter you have never been to Italy. Bologna streets are filthy, as are the walls..
pete job, bologna, italy
I clean the house - I'm a house hubbie - I'll not show this to my wife.
Ian Payne, WALSALL,
I completely agree with Peter from Birmingham. The English have a long way to go to catch up to the clean countries. When I first read the title to this article I thought it was meant to be irony.
Tom, Tokyo,
Given how dirty many english houses and public places are, I think a little obsession with cleaning wouldn't harm. As a foreigner in the UK I was always quite surprised to see - how should I say it - the difference in standards of cleanliness. And I'm not juts talking about dirty shop windows, dirty streets, mouldy B&B bathrooms, beer-soaked carpets in pubs, etc. Even in my office, I just can't get my boss to understand that the cleaners don't clean it properly because he juust doesn't get it - his entire frame of reference is different
peter, Birmingham,
I'm worried about the concept of "smelling fresh." Who wants a blast of man-made, artificial chemicals that could trigger allergies and asthma through an overload of chemicals in one's own home, let alone on every person's body in offices and public transport? Clean is clean, not toxic chemicals that "represent" clean.
Phillip, California, U.S.A.
what planet are these people on?
Luckily I was brought up to view cleaning as something to be endured once a year.
No-one in our family has ever suffered any illness from such regime and my kids never got asthma or excema either.
Get a life!
janesmith, loughborough,
I'm with quentin Crisp: After four years it never gets any worse.
John Ledbury, Kings Lynn, England
Faith Popcorn? Surely that's not a real name! :)
Incidentally, I'm sorry to see how 'female-focused' this article is, surely pandering to the notion that cleaning is a woman's prime concern, no matter what the circumstances. Not that I have anything against women (or men) who are houseproud - quite the opposite, I appreciate a tidy and tasteful house I just don't like the automatic assumptions going on here.
In fact, I suppose I object generally to the idea of having a "women's" section in a newspaper at all... as if news, arts, comment, etc. are - like a Yorkie Bar - "not for girls."
(Then again, I have just taken the time and trouble to read through this article, so perhaps I'm a massive hypocrite who needs to don an apron and go bake some cakes?)
Danielle, London, UK
Im an obesive claning freak! haha my boyfriend thinks I'm nuts, but could not survive one day with out my almost.obsesive cleaning! I would love to get those books, so that I could clean faster and better, because it does steal tons of time that i could easily spend doing something else, now that i read this I know what's gonna be my next book to buy!
sofia loretta, florence, italy
What is the big deal with cleaning? You wash the floors once a week. You do the dishes every day. You do your laundry as needed. You definitely clean the bathroom at least once a week depending on who and what is using it. Clean the inside of windows when you feel like it. If your walls need
cleaning paint them! Hose down the outside windows when you do the watering in the summertime. In the winter no one sees how dirty they are anyway. Good grief this is not
rocket science! I have more important things to do like
the gardening than cleaning the house.
Kate, Victoria BC, Canada
well, let´s be honest , nobody likes cleaning, it just has to be done at one point I suppose, I´d rather spend my time doing something a bit more exciting! if it´s sunny ( and I live in Brazil) i´d rather go to the beach ( ah yeah I live on the beach) than cleaning. i keep the rainy days for cleaning! I believe that passionless or activityless or interestless people might want to clean to fill out the hours. it´s liek a therapy.
let´s face it cleaning is boring, takes precious time, does not teach you anything. Read a book, cook, go out, go to the museum................aren´t there more passionate things to do in life but cleaning........................I wish I could convince my sisters!
Mathilde, Guarujá, Brazil