Poor man’s world

Oh, why the long faces? You’re surely not depressed about this recession nonsense? Lift your chins off the floor and crack a smile, will you, because so-called “gloomy” periods like these are the bargainhunter’s time to shine. No longer will people tut and want to stove your face in with a pavement slab when you produce a fistful of coupons at a busy supermarket checkout. No more will they yawn and back away when you produce your copy of The Penny Pincher’s Book Revisited and quote aloud from the chapter “30 Uses for Pieces of String Too Short to Use”. (I’m serious; one suggestion is “make hanging loops for skirts”.) Because for once it won’t just be you cutting costs and wearing crap clothes: pretty soon everybody will be Ethel Austin-tastic! Doesn’t it all make life feel worth living? So let’s laugh in the face of adversity and celebrate 12 other good reasons to embrace the recession.

1. By the time your toddler reaches 25, it’s just possible that they might be able to buy a one-bedroomed flat in Dagenham East for less than £8 million.

2. With no appreciating property values to brag about, smug dinner parties around the nation will fall blissfully silent.

3. In restaurants it will be considered prudent, and not the behaviour of a tightwad oik, to order the house red.

4. You will stop having £50 facials and realise your skin looks exactly the same.

5. Property-porn TV programmes such as Location, Location, Location may die a swift, painful death.

6. It might finally be possible to purchase something in the high street without having to set aside 30 minutes to stand in a queue at the tills.

7. You can comfort yourself that poorer children tend to be nicer children.

8. Shopping may cease to be the premier leisure activity. You might even get a parking space at Bluewater.

9. During recession times, skirt hemlines traditionally get longer, a mercy given the no-knicker habits of many of our

most photographed celebrities.

10. There is endless Schadenfreude to be gleaned from just sitting back and thinking of all those clever sods who bought to let.

11. To high-earners who once moaned incessantly about being “cash rich, time poor” but have now lost their jobs, you’ll be able to say: “Congratulations! You’re now cash poor, time rich. How does that feel?”

12. If you’ve got big savings, the good news is you’ll be able to swoop in like a hawk and take advantage of home repossessions. The bad news is – you’re evil.

bargainhunter@thetimes.co.uk

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