A recent client - Nicole, 38 - complained that her husband “blew a fuse” on discovering that what she had called “a minor beauty procedure” was actually a laser-job of her entire face. He wasn't upset by the £2,000 cost but because she had made it sound like nothing more than a facial.

“Why didn't you say what was involved? Having to sign a consent form means there must be risks!” he fumed. Nicole protested that she didn't know why he was getting his knickers in a twist because “it was only a harmless fib”.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard this phrase. The problem is that one person's fib is another's breach of trust. Most people using the phrase know darned well that they are hiding something. Explore their motivation and you find that the “harmless fib” was something they didn't want unearthed.

This applied to Nicole's fib. What was really going on? She felt defensive about trying to hold back the hands of time, confiding that she didn't want her husband to know how much she worried about facial lines. As if her husband wasn't ageing along with her!

By fibbing, she avoided drawing attention to her fears about ageing. She made her treatment sound like an indulgent afternoon of feminine frivolity, not hardcore skin-blasting.

Beware the partner who excuses half-truths and lies with a shrug, implying that it's your oversensitivity that has caused ructions when they are discovered. This shows little regard for your feelings, and a lack of respect.

But also consider your partner's personality and, if you are the fibber, why you feel that you should fib. Deep down, Nicole may have worried that her husband is a touch judgmental about looks.

Ultimately, honesty is the best policy.

DR PAM SPURR, relationships expert

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