Carol Midgley
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Did you know that one person in 20 has had a fight with a next-door neighbour? That one driver in four admits to committing an act of road rage? That cases of “air rage” rose by 400 per cent between 1997 and 2000? That stress has overtaken the common cold as the main reason for taking time off work?
We appear to be living in an age of rage. Earlier this week there seems to have been an incidence of “queue rage” in a supermarket during which a man was punched - and later died. The death raises the whole issue of apparently random acts of violence that are often the product of momentary losses of self-control.
“Check-out rage” is just one more to add to our already long long list of road, air, trolley, parking space and cyclist rage. It is why a motorist will follow a pedestrian on to a bus and stab him; why a shopper will break another shopper's nose for something as trivial as bumping into his or her trolley. When I was riding in a taxi in London recently a cyclist hammered on the window in fury at a perceived (imagined, in my view) transgression by the driver. In a flurry of F-and-C-words he threw a fistful of coins at the taxi. As far as I could see nothing had happened.
Anger, humankind's natural and healthy reaction to stressful situations, is increasingly being acted out via physical violence - even though we are richer, take more holidays and lead more comfortable lives than ever before. There are several theories as to why our society is becoming ever more infuriated. The fast pace at which we live our lives - “hurry sickness”, for instance, has taught us to desire and demand instant gratification.
If something or someone delays us, we see it as a threat to our precious, finite time. There is also huge pressure to deliver at work in jobs that are increasingly insecure, competitive and ruthlessly based on performance.
Dr Michael Sinclair, a consultant psychologist in London specialising in anger management, says that, generally, people who grossly overreact to trivial events with violence are suffering from a central lack of confidence. The normal reaction, he says, when someone bumps into you is to think “that was a bit rude” and move on.
But angry people interpret everything as a personal slight, an insult to their already fragile egos. “Being bumped into will make the inadequate person feel even more inadequate,” Sinclair explains. “It exacerbates their sense of vulnerability.”
Times of economic gloom can exacerbate the problem. Sinclair says that he has recently seen his referrals increase as people battle to cope with the angry emotional fall-out from redundancy, heightened job insecurity or a suffocating mortgage. A person lacking in self-esteem can be driven to the edge by just a clipped letter from a bank.
Experts have said that in decades such as the 1960s and 1970s people tended to turn their frustration inwards, perhaps taking their anger out on their spouses behind closed doors. The tendency now is to turn it outwards: to externalise the problem to a complete stranger.
When people feel under threat they undergo physical and mental changes. Their heart rate, blood flow and tension rises as the body prepares for action. The mind goes into tunnel vision as it focuses on the threat and loses the bigger picture. Various factors will then inhibit the average person from acting upon it, such as not wanting to behave violently in public. But with more people behaving aggressively in public there is an unspoken “social permission” to do so.
And yet it is not as though everyone is walking around like a ticking hand grenade. Most of us - even though we may feel a surge of spleen when someone blocks our way - simply curse under our breath and walk away.
Sinclair says that anger is a process involving different stages: the environmental trigger, the interpretation of the trigger (“This person is disrespecting me”) and the physical arousal - the adrenalin rush that defends the threat to self-esteem.
The British Association of Anger Management has produced a six-point plan to help people to manage anger:
1. Stop, think and look at the bigger picture. Consider the consequences between the event and the reaction.
2. It's OK to have a different opinion. Opinions are not facts - they are only what you think.
3. Listen carefully. Learn to listen. Observe the other person's body language. Verify: clarify information. Empathise: keep your heart open at all times.
4. Use your support network, a group of people on whom you can call when you need to talk to someone so that your anger doesn't get out of control.
5. Keep a journal. This is a powerful way of not internalising your anger. Your journal can be used as and when you need to. Record how you feel about what happened, and your views on a problem. Using your journal will bring clarity to the situation.
6. Don't take anything personally. Nothing that others do or say is because of you. What others do and say is a projection of their own reality on to you. When you are immune to the opinions, projections, behaviours and actions of others, you will not be a victim of needless suffering any longer.
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I have to admit that I suffer from this, and really need to control my anger. Whenever a car driver comes inches from killing me, I tend to get overly angry. Whenever some guy decides to turn without bothering to indicate, thus knocking my off my bike, I lose control. It must be me.
cak, Ed,
Just now, my mum burst out in fury at my sister for not carrying groceries, since I've always fetched them, and felt disappointed that I was receiving no thanks (or even respect). She did a rubbish job of handling the situation; she acts like this all the time and makes the house into a battlefield.
Mike, Nottingham, UK
It's amazing how easily people are angered now, and I notice more misbehavior and agression in kids nowadays too. I try my best to remember, "Anger, fear, and agression lead to the dark side." Call it silly if you want, but it's true. In this article's case the dark side was someone having to die.
Anthony, Spring Hill, USA
I believe that the way our society has being going in recent years is to blame. We are a very overpopulated country (and in nature animals fight when put close together) but the government is bent on allowing more immigration Why? They keep wages down .
Nick, Telford, uk
In light of the above comment by MaryJ in San Francisco, her name is the coincidential cure for it all...medical marijuana will cure much of this rage and stress, though the laziness and increased appetite of my friends and I will be whole other issues to deal with!
gregdimo, Pittsburg CA (in the Bay Area),
The problem is more to do with lack of good manners than anything else. How can you convince people to be polite when "polite" is considered to be weak? How can you convince people to be "polite" when people get away with rudeness at school, workplace and almost anywhere?
Patrick Bagot in Istanbul
Patrick Bagot, Istanbul, Turkey
Bring back the disciplinary rules into the school & teach students how to behave properly. More & more people have abused their rights. They need to be taught when they are young & learn what is right & wrong rather than resolve into violence.
alison, edinburgh, UK
Your article concentrates on the level of anger in some people's reaction but does not mention the increase in the rudeness, selfishness and lack of consideration of others that triggers the anger. Anger management is necessary but it is treating the symptom not the cause. How do we do that?
chris, Ilkley, England
The root cause of today's rage is that humanity in the Western world is a because we only think about ourselves- Kennedy once said "We all breathe the same air - We all cherish our children's future - and we are all mortal" - This should be our mantra - If not, mankind will cease to exist -
WTaylor, London, UK
TV programmes like Eastenders and Coronation Street are responsible in my opinion for glamourising agro and violence every day of the week.
Roy, Hamshire, UK
I'm too angry to reply.
Matthew, Reading, UK
Proverbs 1:15 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
When was the last time you offered kind words? When was the last time you received kind words?
Susan, Baltimore, MD, USA
People are full of rage these days because the continual pursuit of the 'me' culture within our society has produced a generation of people who feel that they are more important than anyone else. Lots of people have lost the ability to be selfless and altruistic.
Tom Redfern, Brighton, UK
When you can murder someone and be released after 12 years or less because the law is written and delivered by over-lenient, rights-centred, moronic liberal degenerates the end result on society is absolutely predictable.
David Smith, Stourbridge, UK
Dr Sinclair, you're being an apologist... what tripe. "Angry" people cannot control their emotions. Why? Because as the grew up, no one to checked them when they lost it, or worse were egged on by mates. Each generation slips further and will continue until parents take FULL responsibility.
Carlos, Basel, CH
The rage is about devaluation of the individual. UK and USA used to be creative innovators of the world because of the value we placed on individual creativity.
Now we are expected to accept any horrible affront to ourselves (sometimes life-threatening) without retaliation to benefit corporations
Karen A, Cary, NC, USA
Not so long ago, even paupers were decently buried.
Now in the US, their bodies are burned up and disposed of as rubbish.
Only the wealthy can afford a decent burial anymore.
Human bodies are routinely autopsied against the wishes of their family.
We are worth nothing. Thus the rage.
Karen A, Cary, NC, USA
I think all of these attempts at excuses are sad. People need to be held accountable for their actions. Everyone on the planet has stresses, we have the same amount of time in the day, we all have responsibilities. Making excuses like"the media" or "drugs and alcohol" is just a validation. Stop it
Chelsea, Perth,
Here in the UK we are living in an ever more overcrowded situation.No wonder then, like rats in a cage, we are getting more stressed and angry. There are too many people in too small a space.
FJ, Sandown,
Those who perpetrate violence are rarely punished accordingly - apparently it would be against their human rights ... even though they've disregarded the human rights of their victims! We learn by action-consequence, so where is the re-enforcement of right and wrong?
Nick James, Bristol, UK
Everyone has to wear the latest fashion, drive the nice car, take the big vacation, have a huge wedding, live in an enormous house. Stop trying to be better than others and just try to be better than yourself. Choose to be around people that take emotional wealth more serious than financial wealth
Dennis, Jacksonville, USA
How can the recent supermarket incident be referred to as a "momentary loss of self-control" when it involved a deliberate act by one aggrieved person in contacting a partner she knew would take violent action against the supposed perpetrator? I call that premeditated violence.
Sarah , Bad Liebenstein, Germany
If we actually are more angry and violent, and I doubt it, the reason is that we've decided to separate from our abusive parents rather than tolerate them, but have failed to find any joy or comfort in our own efforts and achievements, because without our parents unconditional love, life is empty.
Milliner, Fresno, USA
The main reason is the media. You wind us up constantly with politically motivated bad news stories and ever more hysterical programmes intended to shock for the sake of ratings. I dont recognise the country you constantly depict.
JT, stortford, UK
Up to the 60s it was thought 'good' to to be stoical, self-disciplined and well mannered. Since then such values have been rather sniffed at. Nowadays it's thought 'good' to 'express your feelings', no matter what the effect. Well - surprise, surprise - it isn't.
ron phillips, huddersfield, england
We are angry because we have lost control of our lives and we are so stressed out. We spend all our time watching awful peopel on TV reality shows and we ape their behaviour. I am not surprised that 1 in 20 has had a fight with their neighbour, if our new ones are anythng to go by.
John Bull, Wolverhampton, England
An old schoolfriend on a visit to me here in Germany told me that in Cardiff - where she now lives - there is a constant air of aggression. She didn't find this here, where people were relaxed and friendly. I think the long hours people work and the high cost of accommodation is to blame.
Tina, Dusseldorf, Germany
Kathryn, Manchester - perhaps you shouldn't have been littering. Anti-social behaviour tends to wind people up!
Thomas, London,
Ridiculous. If it was space related then China and India and Hong Kong would have fights and street attacks every second of the day. And the time-poor excuse is even more absurd. So in the fifties and sixties and seventies people had 36 hours in a day did they?
Mike, perth, wa
'Human rights' doctrine tacitly encourages selfishness ('I have a right to' = 'I want' dressed up as a moral claim). Add to that the disintegration of families with consequent fragile sense of self. Then add the culture of instant gratification. And bingo! you've millions of walking powder kegs!
Meic Pearse, Houghton NY, U.S.A.
Heavy consumption of street drugs & then Colas and Coffee....... hence the Caffeine rush, equals the neuroses of this rat-race frenetic modern society.
Beth, Downham Market, UK
I was recently on a train and left a paper next to me for the next passenger. The man who sat next to me then laid into me and took his anger and frustration about something else and focused it upon the fact I had left the paper next to me. I suggested anger managemnt to him. I felt attacked.
Kathryn , Manchester, UK
It's not so bad in country areas. I think that noise pollution, stress and overcrowding in large towns and cities are a big part of the problem. Also the papers are full of stories deliberately designed to wind people up.
Andrew G, London, Uk
people are angry - because they are not able or willing to forgive others. Instead they stay in their angry self induced 'prison' until they erupt and hurt society rather than addressing the root of the problem - which is themself.
Wayne, Stockport,
We are angry because of too much booze and drugs. We are angry because, until yesterday, we didn't trust any politician. We are angry because of council jobsworths who use RIPA to investigate bins. We are angry because nothing works. We are angry about continual rip-offs. We are angry about Britain.
Mike Mitchell, Spalding, England
Ooooh look at all the angry people writing comments! Temper temper! It's the government's fault that everyone is angry. Oh please, what ever happened to personal responsibility!
elemjay, London,
The comments left so far confirm my belief as to the root causes of this problem: complete self-absorption and a staggering sense of entitlement on the part of the vast majority of those under 40 or so. As to the source of these distasteful traits I can only speculate: sparing of the rod?
Jeffrey, New York,
All rights and entitlement and no restraints on individual behaviour. We used to have manners which is about treating
other people well. PCness killed it. Anti middle class politcs killed it. W could start by insisting that British kids speak English not gangsta in school , stand for adults etc
Frieda, Newham, UK
It is called Democratic right in the Western society.Our fathers fought two World Wars to give us this right.How do we expect one to react in a civilized manner if he/she over steps the mark.Since there are no more large wars,we have resorted to violence upon each other.
Tadick, Melbourne, Australia
One cause of rage is, no doubt the extremely high level of noise pollution in the workplace - one or two individuals set up a blaring boom-box in the workplace and 50 people suffer for hours or days until one person finally snaps.
James, Nottingham,
After 11 years of labour and its multicuralism/PC agenda (aka immigrants vote for us) we do not have a cohesive society with strong decent values. I live in Merton and over recent years feel intimidated walking around because of the number of gangs and yobs who the police seem to only smile at!
David, London,
It's patronising "anger management" tripe like this that makes me angrier.
If you cut in front of me in a car, you are endangering my life.
If you queue jump, you are taking something that I have paid for with my time.
Where are the six point plans to stop the wrong behaviour that starts all this?
Tom Franklin, London, United Kingdom
Remember the too many rats in the cage theory?
haralambos, joburg, south africa
one nuance to this in the case of the checkout death is that the wife called the husband because someone had "dissed" her. She presumably (given the tagged husband) had a fair idea of the consequences of this. Checkout rage by proxy and all because of the "respect" culture in this community
d, london, uk
It's the same in DEnmark.
Why: the capitalist system and all is demands.
It will destroy mankind if the syustem is'nt stopped.
Torben, Copenhagen, Denmark
It's no coincidence that rage has increased in proportion to mobile phone use!
Alex, Salisbury, UK
Although I totally agree with you on the subject and I cant comprehend why people try to live with so little concern and respect for the others around them I disagree for the paradigm of the cyclist. For them and bikers the problem is that a negligent or angry action from a car driver can result in heavy injury or even loss of life. The coin throwing probably is a result o fear, astonishment and adrenalin.
Spiros, Greece,
With respect to Dr Sinclair, I suggest that many people are suffering from too much self-esteem and too much confidence. Children are taught to value themselves over everything else. They learn that their whims should be gratified immediately. We want it all and we feel entitled to it.
Frank Upton, Solihull,
Too many laws that regulate everything sometimes may provoke or trigger very different reactions. Humans are not necessarily "computer data" bits, so there should be some space for "eccentricity". The modern society leaves less & less place for individuality. Humans are "live" not mass of data.
Pam, St.Petersburg,
I think we all just need to relax. People around me are always angry and shouting etc, it just makes me laugh really. I know how crap this country is, but nothing is going to change, just have to accept it and laugh, if you don't laugh, you'll cry, punch or kill someone. This country is useless.
Seetal Udeshi, London, UK,
Face it, Brits en masse are truly 'orrible people. Do you feel you have been crowed from the mainstream to the periphery of society? Well its not like that everywhere. Part of the emigration decision is to ask what you are walking out on. Only a slight exaggeration to respond, "Not a damn thing".
Andrew Milner, Karuizawa, Japan
I think overcrowding is a large part of the problem. When I visit the London I can feel the tension emanating from many people. Another point:- people who take the time to read this sort of advice probably aren't the sort of people who are going to attack strangers over something trivial!!
Susie, Bermuda,
I live in Tokyo where it is extremely over-populated and people are extremely over-worked. This kind of anger is absolutely unheard of here. & neither are we eating each other.
Mari, Tokyo, Japan
I would be shocked if British people <i>weren't</i> constantly in a rage. State-mandated, wholesale cultural destruction, mass immigration of incompatible peoples, Orwellian "anti-racism" laws used against mentally retarded children, suspension of habeous corpus -- My God, who wouldn't be angry?
MaryJ, San Francisco, CA, USA
rats, when forced into overcrowded conditions, eat each other.....violence in human society is similarly tied to population pressure and compounded by the measures taken by government to control the overpopulation
david, New York, usa
Any good old-fashioned nanny could explain this in a moment: "You see, my dears, a spoiled baby is a cross baby."
Adam, Lancaster, UK
There's a world of difference Carol, between rage for queue jumping or trolleys clashing and that of the cyclist who is often in fear of his wellbeing. Having cycled in London the times others stupidity endangered my life were legion and though you didn't notice it Carol, often that's the problem!!
Dale, Australia,
It's the lack of social cohesion. We no longer see ourselves as members of a nation as we did during times of war.
Tony, Chicago, USA
People will always get angry but the "new anger" is typified by the fact that it often subconsciously follows a script the person saw in a film.
Screen violence is providing a template for actual violence.
Paul Neri, Canberra , Australia
If the 'peak hour' business is divided equally between day and night, much of 'hurry sickness' would be gone. It is time people switched 'working from home' thus avoiding bumping into 'racers to work' at tube stations.
Ganesan Kannuchamy, London, UK
The problem is not unique to the UK.
Here in the US personal rage is fairly common and it occurs in both the inner cities and out in urban areas. It is also not limited to gender or age. The common thread seems to be stress of modern living coupled with instant (cell phone) communications
P. Brooks, Palm Bay, Florida USA
Am I the only one who interprets the six point plan as "be a complete doormat and don't dare disagree with anyone"? I believe that ignoring so much bad behaviour is what has got the U.K in such a mess, and now children and adults roam the streets without fear of being challenged about anything.
Neil, Birmingham, U.K
Very sad, i left the UK for OZ 20 years ago and we have the same problem here with people being killed over a traffic malee? Being Ex Royal Marine all i can say is dicipline and respect are at the lowest ebb of all time in the west. Anarchy forthcoming if the punishment does not fit the crime.
jono, perth, Australia
I only hope at some point all these people point their anger at the main cause of these problems..
The Government.
MP's need to be taught who they really work for,if that means physically slinging them out of the Westminster then so be it.
A comment like this will get me 42 days soon.
N Morgan, Stockport, UK
It's all very well having anger management councelling and the like, but isn't that only treating the symtoms rather than addressing the desease? Modern society is very demanding of the individual causing high stress That's what needs to change. My way is to not take anything seriously, if I can.
Chris, Gloucester, Glos
This country is becoming a tinderbox thanks to this incompetent government, failing infrastructure, immigration, state surveillance, the Anti this that and the other misfits. With the cost of living going through the roof I fear we are heading head first into the abyss without a parachute.
Cromwell, Leeds, England
Maybe it is what Desmond Morris once called 'The Human Zoo' and an increasingly overcrowded one at that, with everyone increasingly protective about their own personal space.
Paul, Coventry,
Problem is that self discipline is sadly on the wain !!!!
ian payne, walsall,
The trouble is, all these "anger management' techniques - like the politics in this country, the laws and the very things that make us so angry in the first place - focus on the reactions to events.
And not the CAUSE. It's helplessness that nobody stops the causes, that is the problem!
Laura Roberts, London, United Kingdom
If you crowd animals together they will fight, humans too! Also the British urban population likes to be in control,but the UK is slowly becoming less important. I was brought up on a farm, everything was at the mercy of the weather, no good shouting!
DAVID VINTER, Louth, Lincs., UK.