Slightly annoying things which I noticed on my recent holiday to Spain: British people now use the word “vacation”. Everyone but me owns a BlackBerry. There are still people who think it’s funny to call Spanish waiters “Manuel”. Some men wear socks with their Crocs. I now require an industrial-strength bikini top. Even in 90-degree heat certain Brits will still queue at a groaning hotel breakfast buffet and demand the chef make them a “triple cheese and ham omelette”. They also tend to be the ones with backsides the size of Suffolk. Why not just slather lard directly on to their hearts and cut out the middle man?

But here’s what I noticed most: people don’t forget the credit crunch even when they go on holiday. No, ma’am. They pack it carefully and bring it along for the ride. I have never heard so many British strangers talking so unguardedly about their mortgages, MasterCard bills, the dismal euro exchange rate, how they’ve stopped using Ocado and given their elder kid a sickie from school so they could have a cheaper term-time break.

Even in our relatively swanky hotel you could recline on your sun lounger and watch the small economies being made. A “packed lunch” made with supermarket fruit and bread while restaurant tables stayed empty; stealing of the communal newspapers; a ban, confided with pride, on use of the minibar and, most depressingly, the decision “not to have our first drink until after 7pm and then only half a carafe”. What? You’d get on an aeroplane for that?

You can see why the new buzzword in America is “staycation”. This is taking your holiday leave and spending it in your own garden (I suppose we’ll soon be saying “backyard”) to avoid comedy fuel prices. Staycations are not to be confused with “mancations” (where American men go on holiday together), but there’s already plenty of advice circulating on how to get the most out of the latest “craze”. Let the kids sleep outside in a tent! Ban all housework! Eat out every night! Get a train to the beach! Switch off all phones!

While that last one is clearly absurd (all anyone did round our pool was send texts), you can’t argue with the logic of a staycation.

To young children, a beach is a beach whether it’s bathed in Mediterranean sunshine or a light Lincolnshire drizzle. There are more treasures undiscovered in our own country than we’ll ever find during a fortnight in Sharm El Sheikh. You’ll have the blessed relief of knowing that any hairs in the bed are yours. And you won’t be surcharged an extra 10 per cent by those travel companies “guarding” themselves against rising fuel costs. Funny how when prices go down they never knock money off, eh?

But I vow now that if the actual word “staycation” also manages to creep into our vernacular, I’m leaving the country.

bargainhunter@thetimes.co.uk

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