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Thousands of young British Asians are spurning the tradition of allowing their parents to choose their partners and are instead relying on matchmaking via the internet.
Online dating is growing increasingly popular with young Muslims, some of whom are forbidden from dating before marriage and have to accept their parents’ choice of partner. Now they can browse through potential partners online without breaking any of the rules of Islam.
According to Shaadi.com, based in India, 700,000 of its ten million members are in Britain. Meanwhile, of the 100,000 users browsing singlemuslim.com, about 10 per cent are British.
Internet dating has solved the dilemma for young people who want to choose their partner but marry within their religious and racial groups. Many dating services incorporate traditional aspects. Parents can view — and veto — potential partners on some sites, while chaperones attend any meetings between the matched couple to ensure that there is no impropriety. More than 10 per cent of the profiles on singlemuslim.com have been uploaded by family members.
When Adeem Younis started the site, which promises a “closely monitored and cost-effective matrimonial service for single Muslims”, he braced himself for a barrage of criticism.
“I thought traditionalists would be completely against the idea of an introduction agency, but the only opposition came from people who didn’t understand it or didn’t know what the internet is capable of,” he told The Times. “Now I get aunties and uncles coming up to me and saying, ‘That machine that you’ve got, can you use it to find my daughter a husband?’”
Denise Knowles, a counsellor from Relate, said that marriage websites were an extension of having family and friends introduce potential partners. “They let you design the perfect partner,” she said. “It’s a way of meeting people, and you don’t have to continue if it doesn’t work out — that’s what’s different from strictly arranged marriages.
“I have many Indian and Pakistani friends who had strictly arranged marriages, and have children who wouldn’t dream of it, but expect their parents to introduce people. They may be thinking: ‘I believe in my parent’s judgment. They won’t make the wrong choice on my behalf.’
“There’s also a huge culture of blame. People think: ‘If I make the decision on my own, I’ve only got myself to blame. I’m responsible.’ If your family picks someone you don’t like, you can relinquish responsibility if it doesn’t work out.”
Mr Younis said that he was inspired to set up his website after he attended Leeds University and found that Muslim men and women were not mixing. “Although there were lots of eligible men and women, they weren’t mixing, because Islam doesn’t encourage men and women to mix,” he said. “Everybody was at the point where their parents were pressurising them, saying: ‘Now that you’re a young professional, the next step is marriage.’”
He said that many second and third generation Muslims were turning away from traditional arranged marriages in favour of a more modern approach. “People put up a profile, and what they’re looking for — how religious they are, age, height, disabilities, pretty much everything. Then they can search for people. Everything from a basic search within an age range to every possible criteria.
“Then people get their wali, a guardian, involved. We encourage people to meet up with their guardians in public or usually the guy will go to the girl’s place. The wali can ask all the tough questions, they can get to know each other and, if they’re not compatible, they can say ‘Assalam alaikum, sorry it didn’t work out’ and continue the search.”
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The word Asian should be abolished in this day and age. I think many from Indian sub-continent origin and the far EAST would like a specific description of what they are i.e Indian Hindu/Sikh or Chinesse or just Muslim etc.
It is not nice when a generalised term such as Asian is used to decribe a group , which you may fit into, but you are 100% not behind THEIR ACTIONS. Abolish umbrella terms.
Many religions are as different as Peace and Terrorism.
Jai, Mumbai, India
Why not do an article on the rise of internet dating sites instead of misrepresenting shaadi.com as a Muslim dating site or making it seem that only Muslims (or Asians) are using such sites. How about Match.com, J Date etc.?
S P, London,
if only people would read the article properly!
"Meanwhile, of the 100,000 users browsing singlemuslim.com, about 10 per cent are British."
It draws an example from shaadi.com but goes on to talk about single muslim.com - so next time read accurately before getting so hot headed about religions not being mentioned.
nikki, London, England
it may well be seen as an improvement from co-habiting where men and women drop each other at the drop of a hat. many more people are realising the importance of marriage as an instituition that needs to be revived.
S. Asghar, London, Britain
Shaadi.com is a dating website for Indians and the Indian diaspora. The majority of Indians in Britain are of Hindu ror Sikh background. To assert, therefore, that this is a 'Muslim' website is innacurate, because whilst some Muslims may use its service, it is not created specifically for them, and the majority of its British users are from an Indian Hindu or Sikh. background. You therefore fall into the continual lazy misunderstanding about 'Asians', and misrepresent the subject you write about.
Jay Singh, London,
"700,000 of its ten million members are in Britain"
White english girls don't seem to wana date/marry 'Indians' from any religion (Hindus, Muslims, Christians...), very rare to find white-indian couples for some reason. However, they're lot in to blacks, black culture, maybe it's their r.a.p/hip-hop music, i dunno...I've seen countless of them on the streets of London when i visited U.K.
stanzler, ny, usa
Their website has many success story examples. Majority of them are of Indian Hindu marrages. Therefore, their 3.6 Million members are not ALL Muslims. This is a site for 'Indian' people. Indian does not mean Muslim. Why is this article dedicated to 'Muslim' couples?
stanzler, ny, usa
People always take interests in the things which has been banned. So it was natural.
Rana Ghayyour Ahmed, Pakistan,