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A lesbian who used donated sperm to conceive a child with her partner today explained why she felt the donor should pay child maintainance.
In an unusual case, firefighter Andy Bathie, 37, from Enfield, north London, has claimed that he had been assured by Sharon and Terri Arnold that he would have no personal or financial involvement in their children’s upbringing after donating his sperm.
However, he said that he was now "having money stolen" from him by the Government's Child Support Agency (CSA), which was forcing him to pay thousands of pounds in maintenance for the boy and girl, aged 2 and 4, cared for by the couple, who have now split up. Mr Bathie complained that he faced the financial demands despite the fact that he had no legal rights over the children.
Speaking on GMTV today, Terri Arnold insisted however that Mr Bathie had acted as a father to the children for a large part of their lives.
"What people don’t understand is that they have only heard one side of the story," she said.
"He was a father to the children, a dad. He played a father’s role for two years of their, well, my daughter’s life."
She said that the couple approached Mr Bathie five years ago after they "married" in a civil ceremony, and Ms Arnold admitted the initial arrangement was for him just to be a donor.
She said: "I will openly admit to that, but it was him that changed his mind. He wanted to be involved, he wanted to be a dad. Who was I to stop him?
"At the end of the day, I believed it would be beneficial for my children to have their father involved. He wanted that responsibility."
Far from never seeing his daughter, the fireman was in regular contact and looked after her one weekend every month, the mother of two added, she claimed.
She said: "Every time she needed something he was there, he paid for things, he helped me out. He approached us to take on the father’s role, not the other way around."
Today, Mr Bathie disclosed that he was campaigning to change the law so that he is not recognised as a legal parent to the children.
"I did look into the legal side and understood that, as a couple, they would be the parents, not me. I was never ‘daddy’," he told the Evening Standard in London yesterday.
"The CSA admit that mine is an unusual case. This is double standards and I’m having money stolen by the Government."
Mr Bathie claimed that he unaware of the legal pitfalls when he donated his sperm, and was shocked when the Child Support Agency contacted him last November to demand payments because the women had split up.
A spokesman for the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority said that men who donated sperm through licensed fertility clinics were not the legal fathers of any children born as a result.
"Men giving out their sperm in any other way, such as via internet arrangements, are legally the father of any children born, with all the responsibilities that carries," he added.
The CSA said that, unless a child was legally adopted, both biological parents were financially responsible. "The Child Support Agency legislation is not gender or partnership based," a spokesman said. "Only anonymous sperm donors at licensed centres are exempt from being treated as the legal father. This does not apply to men who donate sperm as part of a personal arrangement."
Ministers have drawn up fertility reforms giving equal parenting rights to same-sex couples who "marry" in a civil partnership. This means they will be recognised as the legal parents of children conceived through sperm donation. However, the change comes too late for Mr Bathie, although he is now pushing for an amendment to make the laws retrospective.
Phil Willis, MP for Harrogate and Knaresborough, is chairman of the Innovation, Universities and Skills Select Committee, which deals with human fertilisation and research. He said: “The CSA has to look very carefully at the issue and make an assessment. I suspect Mr Bathie won’t get his money back, as there would be a flood of similar applications. Hopefully, common sense will prevail, particularly if he has evidence saying he was a donor and there was an agreement he’d have no further relationship.”
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Was recenrly approached by a lesbian friend for a sperm donation. I have been seriously considering donating, after this affair my answer will now be no.
Mike
Mike, London, UK
As a man that has donated sperm to a lesbian couple i must say that i found this article to be very disturbing and worrying.
I really feel for the poor guy and am currently praying that when the child from my donation is born the other mother adopts it as from what i can see that would be the only way to avoid parental responsabilites.
I think that the two women from this should be highly ashamed of themselves for ruining the life of a man that was clearly just trying to help a couple that couldnt conceive themselves and that there should be legal protection for him.
Shaun, London,
Shocking case and just plain wrong... this disgusting womans argument that becasue he helped them out when they didn't have enough money and stepped into the breach to help them in looking after the child means he now has to pay is just wrong. I wonder if this greedy woman ever bothered to tell him that becasue he helped when asked she in return would get the CSA onto him.
Equally I just wonder what the other woman in this sordid case is doing , she committed as a "parent" at the outset but now seems content to walk away. if we are going to allow same sex couples to have children then we must also make sure that they are BOTH financially committed for life even if they do split up in the same way that married couples or unmarried couples of a hetrosexual leaning are.
The CSA is apparently following the law, well its wrong and this woman having agreed that she had an agreement for no fianncial burden should stick to her word and not blame the donor for helping out previously.
anthony harrisson, london,
I'm gay myself and think him having to pay for their children is rather selfish in as well.
Tara, Bournemouth, UK
The father, whatever his relationship to the mother, or agreements made with the mother, should be named as Father on the birth certificate. As father, he should have rights to the child and responsibilities towards his child - again, whatever the relationship with the mother. This would stop all this arguing - it is the child that matters, not the parents.
It is all very well people having this or that agreement to enable them to have a child; it is all very well men making magnanimus gestures with their sperm; but, when I was at school, a woman's egg and a man's sperm makes a baby! That child, through no fault of its own, will pay the price for any agreement its parents might like to make before its creation.
The biological parents of any child should have equal rights and equal responsibilities for their children. If they decide not to be part of their child's life, so be it, but they should still have full financial responsibility nonetheless.
Paddy Coffey, Torpoint, UK
Unfortunately this fuels the agenda of those who oppose gay rights who maintain that gays/lesbians want it both ways. This situation would never happen with a heterosexual couple who brought in a surrogate for infertility reasons.
charlie, york, PA
I agree with Laurent, it's despicable that these women now demand money from him, when the agreement was no financial ties.
The law is being followed here, but there needs to be some amendment in regard to known donors too then. Clearly, if women want a specific donor, then an agency cannot help them, but it leaves the father liable.
Lily, London,
So is this chap going to get visiting rights for the children he's having to pay for? The moral of the story - if a lesbian couple ask for a sperm donation, tell them to go and make their own!
Bison, Yorks,
Shame on these girls. They decided to have children together and now refuse their responsibilities as parents? What a mess. Why aren't the CSA charging the other mother instead of the father. I will not be surprise if it was the plan all along.
If he is considered legally as the father and want to be involved, let him have the children, and these irresponsible women will pay the CSA. The kids will grow-up in a stable family unit instead of with greedy mothers.
I am not homophobic in any manner, but I hate nasty people ruining the life of others for their own benefit.
Laurent, London, uk